The Pressure Cooker Years
12:51:00 PM
A few years ago, me and many of my friends entered what I call the “pressure cooker years”. This time period, usually starting around age 24, is when the pressure gets real. The pressure that I describe is the sudden rush to settle down and marry. It often comes from older friends and family members who subscribe to the idea that settling down (whatever that really means) and marriage is the next step in life once you finish school. Before I go any further, there is a disclaimer that I would like to make. Don’t get me wrong, some people do meet their life partners in their early to mid-twenties and decide to get married. However, there is also a significant population of young people who succumb to the pressure while another subset feels lost and confused because they do not fit in either of the former categories.
Over the last three years, I realized that the pressure to settle down only gets more intense, just like a real life pressure cooker. However, I have learned that it doesn’t really matter how you handle the pressure, so long as you are forging a path that brings true inner peace and fulfillment in every facet of life. What matters is what you do with your life during those pressure cooker years.
- Live by your own rules (within reason).
Our twenties are meant to be a memorable period of all of our lives. In fact, many have marked this time as a period of self-discovery. Most people start or lose their first real job in their twenties, some find true love and some suffer inevitable heartbreaks during this time as well. The years between age 21 and 30 are pivotal for you, and you alone. Think about it, by age 21 you have spent most of your years living under your parents’ roof and subscribing to their rules; why spend your years of self-discovery living by someone else’ rules? The truth about life is that no matter how rooted you are in your culture or family traditions, your views will eventually diverge from that of your friends and family on certain issues. Your views will diverge because you are forming your own identity in a constantly evolving society. Living by your own rules is really the best path to self-actualization. Live your life within reason; although you only live once, you also only die once, avoid irreparable mistakes as best as you can.
- The choice of when to settle down or get married is yours alone.
You are pretty much on your own once you graduate from college or professional school, even if your parents are still supporting you; you are generally solely responsible for your actions. As such, it is important to make decisions that are in your best interest. Getting married is a big commitment with many blessings and responsibilities, and a marriage is intended to last a lifetime. A marriage does not define you; neither do your professional accomplishments. In truth, your character is probably a stronger indicator of who you are and what you are capable of. The decision to spend the rest of your life with someone requires you to make a choice, one that should not be taken lightly. Therefore, when deciding whether to get married or not, it is important to assess your motive. Are you letting the pressure get to you? Are you letting the rules and views of others determine what should be a key decision in your life? Remember this: the people pressuring you now will eventually learn to respect whatever life choices YOU make.
- When you find inner peace and fulfillment in life, the next steps will happen organically.
The interesting part about growing up is that we all have a vision of where we’d like to be, what we’d like to do, and more someday. However, life has a funny way of working itself out. Sometimes you will take a detour; you may even make several wrong choices but still turn out just fine. One thing that remains constant is that life will go on no matter what you do or don’t do. The beautiful part about letting things happen organically is that you will never have to worry about the pressure cooker because you will be at peace with so many key aspects of your life.
Debbie Aderinto, JD
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