I have a lot to tell you today diary. Sorry I didn’t update you earlier. A lot happened in two days and that included my 25th birthday. After my birthday shenanigans with bae, his ex (abi our ex) will not stop disturbing me o. Wetin man pikin do? Na crime to love? Anyway, she proceeded to involve our mutual friends and they called a meeting on my head. Am I not too big to be sat down in front of so called single “elders” that can never reason with you because they’ve already picked a side the moment they decided you needed to be talked to? I mean I’m twenty five now and that already is a ripe age to do as I please, marry who I want and be independent in every way I can. I kuku went for the meeting today and the following dialogue ensued. By the way sorry that even though you are my best secret keeper, I haven't revealed the names of these individuals including bae. For the sake of the meeting details I’m about give you, I will change their names to make it easier for you to know who said what.
Pat “Random, please can you tell us your side of the story. We’ve heard Claudia’s.”
Me “Wait sef, shey it is now that meeting has started you want to hear my side of the story? When Simbi called me to come for this rubbish, you guys didn’t know you wanted to hear my side of the story? And after driving here for an hour plus, it’s me that will sit down and say story. Better give the invisible mic to Claudia. I wan hear wetin she wan talk sef. ”
Julianna “Haba or how do you Nigerians say it, we didn’t come here to fight with you. Please calm down small so this meeting won’t be a waste”
Me: “Lol. Issokay”
Claudia: “I told you guys that she wouldn’t listen to y’all. I’m surprised she even showed up”
Me: “Oh wow so u go report me for elders?” *Insert emoji laugh*
Simbi: “Anyway babes, nobody is here to fight you. In fact we want this to end well so we can go back to being good friends because this is causing unnecessary awkwardness for everyone. We are too tight for all these rubbish na”
Me: “Oya na, summary be say, girl find boy, girl's friend steal boy, boy see half girl, left and went for full girl. Shikena. Ehn ehn and he left her because he wanted his naija bae not someone from another country”
Funmi: “Oga o. ah Random, u fall my hand. When did you develop this attitude? Because of Sunday? How much does he have sef that your head is turning? mehn you guys, I get husband to cook for at home. I don’t think this is going to be a productive one. Random, you no represent naija well. I understand that between us we like to say naija better Namibian and vice versa but na our inside joke be that. To now take it far to the point of saying you are better (as per full) because she’s not a naija bbe, puts you in a very low unimaginable class. Girls, I’m sorry I have to leave now yeah. bye ”
Me: “Meeting don end? my own be say Sunday is my soul mate and none of you can change that. mshew. I dey go house”
As I turned to carry my bag and stand from the chair, na so so Woza I hear. Ah where? Who slapped who? Why? As I come turn finish, na e I feel the slap o. Na me receive slap. The anger just unleashed itself and my hands didn’t even realize it had the potential to involuntary reflex slap someone. My hand just landed on Claudia’s thin cheeks. Out of no where, that’s how small meeting became boxing match, tantrums everywhere until Simbi separated us. I didn't understand why she slapped me. Wetin I talk wey man never hear?
_______
Dear diary, see me see trouble. He has a child? How do I confront Sunday? Let me just take care of my hurting body first and I'll think about what to do.
Yours In Randomness,
Miss Random
