Truth Be Told

Before I start today's topic, I will like to apologize for my absence. I know y'all see me as superwoman but sometimes I have to drop the cape and accept I can't always multitask. The reason why I was absent was for lack of better word, writer's block. I'm a spontaneous writer and because I was so busy with Dedun's Cakes, I didn't have to time to think of blog content or even sit down to type. I've also started my Msc and that alone with the tests I have to take every week is adding to the stress. Please forgive me if I don't post regularly as I used to but if you want to be a content writer for the blog, you can contact me.

On my way to Nigeria last month, I read the in-flight magazine and one article that caught my eye was on Core Values. I can't remember vividly the writer's core values but I will write mine and maybe they will answer all the questions I've been asked these past weeks. First of, what are core values? Core values are personal beliefs unique to an individual. Your core values define you and if you stay true to them, the person you are/will become will revolve around that core. It is of high importance that these core values are positives according to the law governing the world because if they are negative, it only means you are a negative person, pretty simple. I believe when you know what your core values are, you will fight to keep that core intact since they keep you going in life.

Below are my top five core values..

• My faith: I've been a Christian since I knew what a church was even though I was born into a Muslim-ish family. Thing is nothing was defined, my mum was born into a royal family (so trad/islam religion) and my dad is a Christian. I was never forced to pick one as only my dad practiced a religion actively but I grew up following my neighbors to church and I picked the Christian faith. After primary school, I was sent to a missionary boarding school and that was when my personal encounter with God started. After hearing/witnessing bizarre things happen, it wasn't difficult to be convinced that there's a higher power. To cut the long story short, I've always held my faith tightly because I knew who I am is based on that which I hold dear, my Father in heaven. Of course, revolving around your core will bring you the highs and lows but as long as you remain in the orbit, you won't lose your core connection (abeg physicist don't start with me o)

• Honesty: I don't know how to lie because I believe I will always get caught. Anyone that knows me can testify to this. I crave honesty and I practice honesty hence why I detest being lied to/ liars. I stay away from people that lie to me, I mean I literally cut them off because I don't want to be affected negatively and cultivate the habit of lying. I stay true to this value by reminding myself anytime the option of lying comes up that "honesty is the best policy" 

• Continuous learning: Until life stops, every lost second is a lost opportunity to learn, either continuous learning or learning something new. Never stop learning! I cherish learning so much and it has brought me this far too. My curiosity to learn and try something new got me to develop my hidden skills. I have a belief that everyone has talent(s), in different categories, but you will never know your talents and skills if you don't take that step to learn and try something new. The most common setbacks with this value is the fear of trying and taking risks. In my pursuit to learn, I specifically searched for conferences in Nigeria for the period I will be here, months before I even bought a ticket. The only risk I didn't take was to pay for the not free ones but what if I told you I forgot I registered for a conference and I only remembered when an email was sent the week before. This conference, Excellence in Leadership, was mind-blowing. I sacrificed money to leave my residential city, extra hours of sleep just so I can learn from people above me and boy did this sacrifice pay. What I'm trying to say here is that one has to keep learning as a bid to grow and sacrifices will have to be made. It's one of my values and if it's not yours yet, please consider it and add it to your list. 

• Excellence: I'm a firm believer of "whatever you do, do it excellently well". (Please don't yimu and say I'm not doing the blog well) whatever you do excellently well will yield excellent result, it might take a short or long time but you will definitely reap what you sowed. 

• Love: I know most of my friends say I'm not romantic but I don't think romance equals love. Love is a sacrifice and you have to sacrifice to get results.  If love is one of your core values, it will show in your friendships, relationships, work, education, your relations with strangers etc

Self Growth has been a very interesting topic on Pep Talk, albeit a long one. I really hope I've been able to explain what Self Growth is and I will round up with today's post, Time Management. How you manage your time is essential to your growth. You can know how to do every other thing on the Self Growth list, manage your time badly and in the end, no growth is evident. I will outline a few points I practice everyday and I'm not a perfect time manager because procrastination still rears it's head once in a while. That's forgivable and in as much as it pays to be strict with your time, don't knock yourself out.

• Have a daily planner: If you are an ardent reader of the blog, you'd know I preach this a lot. I believe if you can have a daily plan, you'd spend your time wisely in a day. If you just wake up with the mindset of moving along with time, you'd end up with a basic day and less productivity. (ps- I have something in the works for you guys regarding this and I can't wait to let you in the know)

• Categorize the plan in a descending manner of importance: Start with the most important task to the least. It makes it easier to mark the ones you've done and to be aware of the important ones you've yet to do. 

• Be specific: I've been guilty of not writing in details what I need to do and it only gets me confused at the end. Be as specific as you can be with the time. (eg. Get my hair done at 3pm; Go to Mum's office at 5pm etc)

• Don't overwork the plan: If peradventure the time you allocated is not enough, you can stylishly steal a few minutes from the next task and complete it but make sure you don't ignore one for the other. Trust me it might seem unreasonable to leave an uncompleted task for a new one. There have been times I had no choice but to abandon the blog because I was extremely busy in the background and to be honest, this was my fault as I didn't manage my time properly. It's understandable really and that's why I said you should have a list from the most important to the least one.

• Don't procrastinate: When I graduated, I needed to file some paper works and do a couple of registration. I decided to rest instead thinking I had enough time to do it. I didn't have Nigeria in my plans and suddenly I had to come to Nigeria and I ended up rushing the paper work. It's quite easy to think we have time until suddenly, you have no account as to how you've spent the time. Whatever you have to do now, do it immediately. Procrastination only wastes one's time and when it's time to do everything, no time left. 

• Focus on the time you have left and not on those wasted: Sometimes we focus on how much time has gone by and not on how we can maximize the remaining time. You hear people say "I don't have time for this and that, I'm not doing it because time has passed" Instead we should say "I will find time for it and I will do it when the time I've allocated to it comes" Attend to the present task and don't be distracted by the next.

• Don't be easily distracted by social media: I previously wrote about Social Media and I mentioned the advantages of it. If you are always distracted by social media when you should be working on your tasks, you will need to look for a strict way to avoid it so it doesn't steal out of your time. You can deactivate/delete the apps while you work or switch off your phone if you don't need it etc. Social Media is the number one thief of time. It's so easy to get sucked in and ignore the task at hand. The most common task that is easily disrupted by social media is study time. Instead of studying diligently, one picks up the phone to quickly check instagram for five minutes, that eventually elongates to thirty minutes and before you know it, allocated study time is over and you end up with a non-productive study day. It goes on and on like that and it will reflect in your exam results. It's a long cycle and that cycle is controlled by time. 

• Evaluate how you spend your time: You won't really know you how your time is spent if you don't evaluate it. Write down the main things you spend your time on and how they've affected your growth. If you notice you spent more time watching movies, cut that time. If you notice you spend more time being productive, keep at it. 

• Allocate time to rest: You already know I hold my sleep/rest days dear. On average, I get seven hours of sleep. It's very important to rest because you cannot come and go and kill yourself. If you are always working and resting less, your body will tell on you. You will eventually end up sick and sick period will steal your time. As much as you cherish the work period when money is coming in, you have to dedicate major time to rest. 

• Don't let people waste your time: You have to value your time. When you know how much your time is worth, you won't give it out to just anyone. You shouldn't always be available when your friend calls you to hang out. Your daily time plan should be filled to the point that you are not at everyone's beck and call.

• Stick to your plan: At the end of it all, you can do all these and after a short while, you give up on it and go about your former random day. When you stick to these points for a long while, maybe six months, look back and compare to the days you didn't have a daily plan. If you think you were more productive without a plan, feel free to go back to that life but I can assure you that you'd be more productive when you manage your time appropriately.

Do you know that sometimes, the people we "love" can hold us back? I'm sure you'd agree with me when I say that what/who you invest your emotions in can determine how far you grow. Growing up, I've been a bad investor and all my investments brought mostly losses. I saw this picture quote yesterday and it summed it all up for me. It said,

• Relationships in Uni  
• Are We Friends

I was about to round up the Self Growth series with this post when I realized the topic is broader than I thought. I've decided to extend it till I've talked about everything I mentioned in the Intro post. Today we are talking about something quite important and that's Confidence. I previously wrote about Attitude on this same series and I believe Attitude contributes to confidence building. If you read the post, you would notice I mentioned that your Attitude is controlled by your mind, so is Confidence. Your mind controls your entity and if that mindset is easily intimidated and timid, your confidence will also be intimidated in everything you do.

When your mind is set on greatness, your Confidence will be on a great level. You've believed and you will achieve. Whatever your mind sets to do, you do because your confidence has been tailored for greatness. I also wrote about Seeking Approval on the TMNS series and this bad habit contributes to lack of self-confidence. When you don't have confidence in what you do, you will definitely develop the habit of seeking for approval from others and in return, your confidence continues on the downward slope of lack.

How can you build your Confidence? Good question and I'm here to help you.

• Think positively of life in general and yourself: If you think life is a shit hole for nuisances, you will also be one of the nuisances. If you believe life is for winners, you will be a winner. Likewise, if you believe in yourself and think positive of yourself, you will break grounds in different areas of your life. I mentioned yesterday that you are responsible for you. Part of being responsible for yourself is to do things that will move you up the ladder. So think positive thoughts, say positive things about yourself, focus on your strengths and not your weaknesses. Control your mind, don't let it control you. 

• Challenge yourself: Before life throws a challenge, be one step further and challenge yourself. Set goals that can build your confidence, leave your comfort zone and take risks that will gear you in the right direction. Be open to learning and acquiring knowledge in every way possible. Develop your skills and go ahead of time.

• Act the role you envision for yourself: No, this is not a pretense test but a test to enable you prepare for the person you see yourself becoming in years to come. For example, prior to my first event last year, I already envisioned myself been a motivational speaker. I reached out to people, asked questions and in return gave valuable advice and answers to whatever questions they had. Acting my future role boosted my confidence and prepared me for my first speaking event, The Success Summit, and it was easier to speak and motivate people because I already took on the role of speaking prior. In the light of preparation was also why I started motivating readers through this blog and subsequently, I got more confidence to plan my first solo event, Power Lunch and Workshop. What I'm trying to say is that, act the role you want so that you won't be overwhelmed when said role gets handed to you out of the blues. Nothing beats preparation. 

• If you are the introvert and shy type but dreams of been out there, get out of your shell. One's comfort zone is no good if you are not challenged. Network, learn from friends and family and don't stick to your company alone. Networking also helps to build confidence and in return you build lasting connections. 

• Don't let people validate your existence: Same as seeking for approvals. If you rely so much on what others will say, you will never truly be confident in yourself. Don't rely on your significant other to build your confidence for you. Believe that you are beautiful, intelligent and you can conquer your world! 

• Ignore materialistic things: Your confidence is determined by what you focus on. If your focus is on materialistic things, your confidence will project those things and you can believe that your confidence will be on the lower scale of life. 

It's week 5 on Self Growth and today, the topic is on Education. Education can be either your degree or other means of educating yourself (e.g reading books etc) or both. I will start with the degree type.

I've been in a Uni environment for a while now and I've seen people stay redundant in a particular level purely because of their "I don't care" attitude towards school. (I wrote about Attitude last week on Pep Talk, read it and see how your attitude can affect your growth). I'm thinking of the best way to explain this scenario but how will one be able to grow if you are been held back by your continuous failure and bad attitude towards that failure? I doubt if anyone in that situation is actually thinking about Self-growth because if they were, the Education part of it will change for good. Believe it or not, we need our degree to move on with life. Nobody will take you seriously if at a particular age, you don't have any degree at hand. It's just how the world works and it's best we move along with it if truly we want growth.

Also, it is important to note that a degree does not make you a literate. Have you heard of an educated illiterate? Yeah don't let that be you. There's so much your course/degree path can teach you but if you don't educate yourself outside of what your professors are teaching you, you will be tagged an educated illiterate. That is where the second part of the two examples I gave, come in. How can you educate yourself?

• Invest in Books: Personally, I don't have the time and will to read books. I used to do that in secondary school but I grew out of it. I remember last year when I bought two business books, I knew I wouldn't have time to read fully. They stayed in my book shelf for a couple of months until the need for them came. I knew I had no choice at this point but to read them and get the knowledge I paid for. So please, don't give yourself the excuse that you don't like reading. You have to if you want to grow, somehow the drive to read a book will come when you know you have no choice. There are tons of inspirational books out there, look for and buy them. Luckily, technology age lets you have e-books too so you don't have to carry heavy books with you. 

• Listen to inspirational people: There was a time I played most of Myles Munroe teachings. (God rest his soul) I really wasn't listening because he was a pastor but because of the vast wisdom in his teachings. Find an inspirational person you like and stick with that person till you find another or if you don't mind, subscribe to as many as you wish. My current inspirational people are actually a couple, Cornelius and Heather Lindsey. Love them! They also have numerous books out. You can check them out. 

• Attend seminars: Either free or not, you also have to commit to showing up for events that will educate you and help you grow. I wish I lived in an english speaking country, I would have invested a lot into attending seminars. I love seminars that put you on another level mentally. Talking about seminars, I am hosting one on Oct 1st, if you are in Hungary, you can click here for more info. 

• Surround yourself with people that are up there mentally: I didn't know how important this point was until I started practicing it. You think you know it all until you meet people that know better than you do. That is how you educate yourself. You wouldn't even know you are lacking in an area until someone points it out for you. 

• Internet is a wonder place for wisdom: I can't count how many inspirational people I follow on social media neither can I count how many screenshots of wise quotes I have. That's how much I'm using the internet for my good. I follow inspirational blogs, youtube channels and search for ideas/ways one can grow. Try using the internet for something great other than keeping up with friends. 

• Exposure: Some days ago or I think yesterday, it was another-day-another-bant on Twitter and the topic of international exposure was next on Twitter's hot seat. To be honest, I couldn't even look for what started the debate. It was something about international exposure can't make you more learned than those that stayed in their home country. They were right. Staying abroad doesn't make you more exposed than those back home and you know why? Because you can stay abroad and not educate yourself. I know people in America that have no clue whatsoever what is happening with the electoral process, the unjustified killings etc. That kind of person will now claim they are more exposed than their counterpart in their home country simply based on location? LOL Anyway, my point here is that to be exposed, you have to educate yourself. Stay current with everything both socially and personally. 

Another Pep Talk Wednesday is upon us and we are still on the Self Growth Topic. Part of Self Change and Growth is one's attitude towards life and it's happenings. One's attitude projects an outcome. If it's a positive attitude, you'd get a positive outcome and if it's negative, negative outcome. You can't harbor a negative attitude and expect things to work out for good. Negative energy ruins positive energy, they can't thrive in the same environment. What's your attitude towards life? Have you given up and just going with the flow or do you have the "can-do" attitude in any circumstance whatsoever?

If you look at the quote above it says "most people never reach their goals because they don't consider them as achievable..."  When I saw this quote, I thought 'why would you set a goal and still have the impossible mindset?' The purpose of setting a goal is to aim for more than you can imagine, for you to have a blueprint you can work with. My goal right now is to be at a certain level in every phase of my life at Thirty. I'm six years away from that goal and you can bet I don't see it as impossible or unachievable. Setting a goal challenges you away from the norm, away from the possible, so if you set a goal and your attitude towards that goal is "whatever" or non-chalant, then you can't achieve it. You might as well not set any goal then, make it easier for yourself and go with the flow of life.

Your attitude is controlled by your mind, it is a reflection of what is truly inside. If your mind is not rightly placed, your attitude won't be rightly placed too. If you want to change your attitude for good, you will have to start from the foundation and change your mindset towards people, life and everything that concerns you. If your mind is zigzag and confused, you will jam every bad thing possible on your road to the goal you probably care less about. Yes that's actually true, get rid of "I don't care" attitude! It will get you absolutely no where. You will be labeled by that and no one will take you serious.

To the students reading this, have a positive mindset towards that difficult course. If you keep saying it's difficult, you can't pass it because in your mind, it's unachievable. Treat it like it's easy and put your mind at rest knowing that you will definitely pass that course. Once you put on a positive attitude towards that course, you will definitely use it to challenge yourself to look for every possible means to understand the course. That's just how it works. Nothing will ever be easy if you think everything is difficult, everything is "overachieving".

Your attitude is your worth. It defines you. Your identity is placed in your attitude, it's specific to you. People will define your individuality based on your attitude because that is what they can see outside. It doesn't matter if there's a positive side to you, if the bad vibes overthrow the positive, that is what people will see. Like I mentioned earlier, positive and negative attitude can't thrive together. Your aim now should be to get rid of the negative attitude and focus on the positive, change your mindset and don't limit your abilities. You can read books that help with that, be friends with positive people and not people that look down on everything or think small. Have a set target/goal, trust and believe in the plan and aim for it no matter how impossible it looks to the mere mortal.


Love,
Dedun

Another Pep Talk Wednesday is here! Excited? We are still on Self Growth. Today's topic is on Pride and you are probably wondering what pride has to do with Self Growth right? Think about it this way, will you ever grow if pride is holding you back? Have you heard of the phrase "Pride goes before a fall"? 

I mentioned this point on one of last week's TMNS (here) and promised to create a whole post on it. I wasn't sure if I should've continued the topic on TMNS or write it on Pep Talk instead. Obviously, I'm writing it on Pep Talk now because I feel it is also a good part of our Self Growth session. On this topic, I honestly cannot speak for the male community because I am not one and I don't know how they think but I'm sure some of you can pick a thing or two from this.

Embracing your singleness means you've whole heartedly accepted that this single status (acute or chronic) is yours to cherish and it won't kill you. During the course of my study, I've spoken to a number of ladies (younger, age-mate and older) and I realized that this embracing singleness of a thing is not particular to just the younger ones. Even the older ladies find it hard to accept that they are single. To be honest, I still don't know why but from my experience, I think it's the thought of not having someone to tell everything about your day or someone to tell you sweet nothings. For me, I probably felt that way when I was in my teenage years and that's semi allowed because well, teen right? But as you grow older, you have to place priorities on things and your singleness is not first on that list. If your singleness is causing you to have mood swings or be jealous of your taken (engaged, married or otherwise) friend, I'm sorry to tell you that you have it all wrong. Your journey to Self-Growth needs plenty revisiting, tracing your way back to where you got it wrong.

Yes, I totally understand that some ex relationships leave us distraught but that doesn't mean you should now pause your life because of it or enter a new relationship to avoid the singleness. Whether you like it or not, to be a better person, you have to embrace your singleness. Why? You love yourself more when you are single. Perhaps you think a relationship is a "do or die" affair, please dear one, it is not and don't do it for the sake of "having someone". Use that time and energy to develop yourself and know yourself better. Be a stronger version of the current you and pour all that love into yourself because when you finally start a new relationship, you need all that strength and love to be able to know when you should stay and when you should leave a relationship. Leaving won't scare you because singleness doesn't scare you. You've mastered the art of remaining single for the sake of your growth and not because "men aren't coming your way" or for the guys, "your type of woman is not in sight"

Last week (Self Growth), I already mentioned a number of ways you can grow and the best time for this is when you are single. You don't have 'distractions' from kids disturbing you upandan or a partner that wants to see you every day of the week. You have enough time for you!! How good is that? If you think you would grow better when a partner is supporting you or when kids are involved, who are you kidding? Not me sha. 

So ladies and gents, the point of it all is that you should love yourself when you are single and not look down on yourself. Nothing is wrong with you because of your single status and it doesn't matter how long you've been single for but how well you maximized that you-time!. Empower yourself, stay happy and positive, live life, travel, invest, experience greater things, love your family and friends, support your "taken" friends and focus on you! you! you!

Extra: Question..What do you think about the statement "Single till Married"?

Love,
Dedun
____
Upandan -Up and down
Sha - Though

Hey guys, how is your week going? It's a new series on PTWD! Yay to Self Growth. For the next couple of weeks, we will focus on many ways one can grow and improve. As usual, the first post is always like an intro. So let's get into it.

What is Self Growth? In a few words, Self growth is moving positively from a current point to a better one. Basically, it's like climbing a ladder and at each stop, enhancing your life in every aspect.

What are the aspects you can improve on? Every part of you.

• Your Personality: Sometimes they say don't change who you are because you are perfect just the way you are. LOL except you are waiting for Bruno Mars to sing that to you, you need to ask yourself if you are the best version of yourself yet. How do you project yourself to others? Your personality goes a long way to becoming influential in life. If your personality stinks, every other thing around you will too. You will attract people who are like you and that's already a recipe for a disastrous life moving forward. In this journey of self growth, your personality is the most important. Fix that up and things will align. 

• Your Attitude and Thinking Capacity: What's your attitude like towards life? Do you believe that every minute of your life is important or do you procrastinate because after all tomorrow is there. You have to change your attitude and mindset on how you approach things in life. Don't be lackadaisical about things you are surrounded with. Are you comfortable been on the bottom of the ladder? Or are you reaching out for the top with all your might even when it seems so far? 

• Your Education: Do you just want a degree certificate just because or do you want it because you believe it is a great weapon to fight life's hurdles with? If it's the latter, I want to believe you are taking it serious and plan to achieve that feat at all cost. Like I wrote earlier, your personality and attitude will determine everything about you, your self growth and how far you go in life. 

• Your Financial Status: Are you okay with just a few bucks in your savings account or do you want to challenge yourself to increase your financial capacity? Part of Self growth is to reach out for more than you think you are capable of. You can't achieve more if you sit in your comfort zone and expect things to just fall on your laps. Except you are David Blaine (a magician), then you have to get up, develop plans and take that bold risk to get financial stability.

• Your Work life: Perhaps you prefer the 9-5 life, that still doesn't stop you to aim for more at that firm you are working with. Do you complain about closing time and look forward to leaving the office instead of putting all you've got into that job? If you are the whiner type, always complaining about office work, using the internet to socialize/watch flimsy shows instead of the work that you are getting paid for, then I see no way you'd improve yourself in that firm. People are watching your every step and listening to every word out of your mouth don't forget. You want that promotion? You have to work for it, even if it means getting to work earlier or leaving later than scheduled. Put in mind that even when your effort and reward seem not forthcoming, believe that it will definitely come when you don't give up and accept defeat. It might even not be at the firm you put all your effort into but at a different and better company. 

• Your Skills/Talents: And if you prefer to make a living with your talents/skills, you can only grow and improve if you put effort and time into developing your skills. Put yourself out there. If you don't, nobody will notice your progress. Luckily, the internet has blessed us with many channels we can use to improve our talents and skills. 

• Your Emotional Investments: You like living dangerous aye? Giving to Caesar what belongs to you/someone else. First and foremost, you have to invest in your personal emotional needs!! Get to know yourself and love yourself like no other in the process. If your emotional capacity is not filled up for you, how will you have any extra to give to someone else? And Secondly, don't make emotional investments with people that clearly don't care about you or your investment. You like bad boys/girls abi? Oya, Continuu

• Your Habits: There are some habits that will definitely hold you back from progressing in life. Bad association? Bad social habits? Addictions? Give priorities to your growth and less to fun. 

• Your Physical & Health: Take charge of your body. Don't let anyone tell you that being obese is the way to go after all you love yourself right? Yes feel beautiful but at the same time, put your health into consideration. Enlighten yourself with complications/side effects of whatever you put into your mouth. Be fit! Good health is underrated but you need it to enjoy all the self-improvement you've made so far and the one you will make in the future. 

• Your Confidence: Learn to own your confidence. Even when you feel you don't have any iota of confidence left, get into an acting role and assume that confidence. Self-Esteem/Respect is definitely not the least point here. It's as important as every other thing I've mentioned so far. If you lack this, people will trample on you. You will be disrespected many times and guess what you will do? You will accept it. Why? Because you have disrespected yourself by not respecting your being! People take whatever you give them. If you give them timidness and disrespect, they will take it and give you back in many folds.

I hope this was a good read. Please subscribe, comment and share. Stay tuned for the rest of the series.

Love,
Dedun
____
LOL - Laughing out loud
Aye - Yeah?
Abi? - Right?
Oya Continuu - (Sarcastic) Go ahead

I'm rounding up the Friendship series with this post. Now we know how to be better friends and how to spot the ones that won't benefit us in any way. With these FBI skills, let's include How to make new friends.

• Be open minded: Some people probably have a list of places they'd rather not meet people talk-less of make friends with them.(eg. social media) but I have an old friend I met on Hi5 (That social network that came after BeBo *Tears*) and we are still friends till today. You just never know where you'd meet awesome people. Even the conventional way of meeting people is dying now because it's no guarantee for you to meet a potential awesome friend. 

• Know the kind of friend you need: You need to have discernment here. It's not everyone you meet will be ideal for you so figure out the kind of friends you need and the kind you'd be helpful to. 

• Be approachable: This point is funny to me because right from high school I've been told I have a resting frown face and because of that I'm not approachable. Let me just clear that thought now. My facial muscles just like to have their own mind and fire on sometimes but if you approach me regardless and I dismiss you, then you can say Dedun is not approachable. Anyway, be approachable in the sense that don't dismiss greetings from afar, smile at people, wave if you have to etc. 

• Don't judge based on appearance: Sometimes we find gold in muds, sometimes we can buy them in shops but whatever way, it's still gold and treasurable. So because the nice person that approached you had a bad hygiene or dressed like a rainbow doesn't mean you should judge that he/she would be a negative in your life. You never know who is who solely based on outward appearance. 

• Don't wait to be approached first: Don't sit on a high horse and expect people to flood to you because 'you are approachable'. Sometimes, make the first move. Strike a convo with someone sitting next to you. The only problem with this might be language barrier or after the first hello, you get dismissed. 

• Don't be too introverted: Don't sit in a corner when in a crowd of people.  Sometimes it's good to keep to yourself especially if the vibe is not your type but like I said before, you just never know where you'd meet awesome people. 

The second part is how to keep the new friend(s) you've made

• Keep in touch: Don't just make a friend and ignore them till he/she messages you. Reach out too. 

• Make plans to meet up: It could be for coffee or dinner, just put them in your plans. Don't be an island. If the friend is far away, then plan video calls date and all that nice stuff. 

• If in the gathering of other friends, make friends with them too: Strike convos with your new friend's friends too. The social circle can grow that way. Don't act like it's just you and your new friend in a room full of other people.

• Open up to your new friend: You don't have to start with the deep stuff but simple things just to hear what they think and that way you'd know their thinking process. 

Yay so here we go. What do you think about the friendship series? Helpful? Enlightening? You can add more points in the comment section below. Thanks for reading. What would you like me to talk about in the next Pep Talk series?  Please fill my survey here. Click me

Love,
Dedun

I remember mentioning in a post that I'm probably a queen of long distance relationships (aka LDR). Since I started Uni and I noticed how relationships in Uni are, I said to myself "Na bruv this close proximity of a thing is not for you Dedun" I feel if we are too close, there's room for a lot of uncomfortable happenings. I have a few things or more to say about LDR so let me divide it into advantages and disadvantages.

Advantages

• You bond on communication: Trust me this is a beautiful thing. When all you have is communication, you use it well. Unlike short distance when I can front and expect the boyfriend to magically guess what's wrong, I have no way to do that. Man that won't even realize you are angry over facetime or skype lol. Probably only when you keep quiet throughout the convo or rudely drop the call before he figures that you are pissed. Communication is important for any relationship so if you can learn and master the art in a LDR, you should have it good when the LDR period is over. 

• You have your space and loads of me time: Ah so important for me. I don't want to be bamboozled with everything at once. In fact there's plenty space, literally. You have more time to focus on you and everything you need to do without thinking of whether you should see bae tomorrow or today. 

• When you finally see, the affection gets bigger: They say distance makes the heart grow fonder and I think it's relatively true depending on the individual involved. Some people's affection decrease as time and distance go by. 

• You learn how to be patient: I learnt how to be patient and understanding from LDRs o. How will you not be patient? Counting down to when you will see your partner, calming down when  fights happen etc

I was talking to a couple of my friends yesterday and I mentioned I'm not labelling any relationship again moving forward. That statement is talk for another day. Since we are still on the Friendship series, let's talk about labelled friendships. I'm sure you are wondering what I mean by "Labelled" friendships. Without any help from Google, labelled to me means to put a tag on an item/something. Most times, the person labelling does so in his/her head and the friend does not know she/he has been labelled. Don't let me confuse you, I will mention the types of labelled friendships I know of.

• "Jenny Give me": If you watch Jenifa's diary, you should be familiar with Aunty Manager (in season 3-4), all she does is take take take and take till eternity. Her own style of begging is not even the traditional "ask and collect" o, she takes without permission. Relating it to this post, this type of friend is the beggy beggy type. This friend is just a user. Nothing else has come out of the friendship other than you always giving or lending them something.

• The frenemy: We should be familiar with this one. That supposed friend that loves you in person but hates you when you are out of sight. This friend is there just to know you well so (s)he can plan the world war 3 very well. Their number 1 goal in life is to back bite and gossip. 

• The helper: No harm intended. They just see you as someone they need to continually help ad nurture till you are ripe to be an helper too. 

• The tutor: If you don't pass an exam, you are in trouble. Your skull will be opened and the textbook will be implanted. You can't even have the liver to say you failed again. 

• "Fun" Friend: Only there for the party times. The only time (s)he calls you is for turn up. Nothing else. 

• The listener: They know you inside out. Why you may ask? Because (s)he listens to you anytime you need someone to talk to. That's their job. 

• The adviser: 80% of the time, you didn't ask for the advice. Sometimes they are spot on, other times they miss the point. 

• Study buddy: Yeah that defines what the friendship is all about, books. Maybe you can chirp in true life stories or perhaps fiction during break times. 

• Social media tagger: In person, there's nothing much to talk about but on social media, they can tag you in everything, with plenty emojis. Let's call them the social media friends. 

• The one always trying to get out of the friend zone: (S)he is always uncomfortable in that zone but as life would have it, (s)he always end up there. 

• The All rounder: The "perfect" friend. Helper, tutor, adviser, listener, bank (gives and takes) etc all in one. You should have at least one all rounder friend. The type that checks up on you and is always there for you. Oh and be an all rounder too ;)

Today, I'm struggling with what to write for the friendship series. I don't know why but my head space on this topic is upandan. I feel like if I write about How to spot bad friends, my last post already summarized that and if I write how to spot good friends, the last post also mentioned that so please epp me! You probably don't know but 95% of my posts are spontaneous. I start with one word and the rest flows but today just wants to be stubborn. Here's the link to last week's post Are We Friends?

*After waking up*

Ehn ehn so I'm back to this friendship topic and I'm going to tell you how to be a real g! A real one for your friends. I feel if everyone learns how to be a better friend, the friendship world would be a better place. Be aware that I'm not a perfect friend but I'm writing this based on my failures and successes as a friend.

• Pay attention to your friends: See, nobody trusts anyone these days and even people that claim to be friends in public don't trust their friends enough to tell them all they are going through. I know one is busy living life with it's hurdles, but it's necessary to pay attention to your friends. You can tell from their body language, moods and topics they choose to talk about that it's stems from a bigger place (of hurt perhaps). When I was down couple of years ago, I wished my friends had paid attention to me. No I don't blame them for ignoring my hurt especially since I always told them I was fine but if they really focused on why they thought I wouldn't be fine, they could've helped in the long run, as friends should.

• You should always care: This 'care' is quite broad because you can show your care, depending on the individual, in many ways. Caring for your friend means you are there for them when they need you, you correct them from a place of love when they are wrong and you listen when they talk (even if it doesn't make sense).

• You support their goals: And if you feel the plans to achieve that goal is not the right way, let them know instead of keeping it in. It doesn't necessarily mean you are right/wrong about that approach but at least, you mentioned it to them and gave a solution. Don't just mention a problem without solution. You can't tell me I'm doing something wrong without telling me how to do it right. 

• Spend on each other: Friendship is also a relationship but some friends barely spend on their supposed friends. However, they can spend all their money on their partner. When you now break up, is it not your friend you will run back to? mshew Buy gifts, either on birthdays or randomly. Go for quick drinks/lunch. Spice up the friendship. Travel. Don't be a stingy friend.

• Don't be a fake one: If you are only friends with them in their presence but frenemy in their absence, you need to be dumped in a sewage. 

• Grow together: Pull them up if you are ahead and if you are below, aspire to reach their level and ask for help when you need to be pulled up. Best friendship goal is when everyone is winning in life. Growing together can be financially, spiritually, etc

• Pray for and with them: We all need prayers, if you can't pray with and for your friends, y'all just joking. (Who's praying for me btw?)

• Tell them when they've wronged you: This point is one I'm still learning to be honest. I've mentioned before that I'm a keep-quite-when-you've-been-wronged kind of person. I just don't like arguments and when I know telling you about something you did will lead to argument, I take the L even before the argument starts but yeah I'm trying to be more vocal about my feelings now. Keeping it in doesn't help the parties involved. 

• Be a shoulder they can lean and cry on: Some people just want that friend that no matter how much they offend them, they can always go back to them for help, to talk to them etc. 

• Don't give up on your friends: I've been guilty of this a couple of times but moving forward, I  won't give up except when our lives are no longer on similar paths and my reason is because if our lives suddenly become completely different, it's apparent that the friendship won't work. I mentioned this last week. I will still pray for you whether we remain friends or not because that's just who I am. 

If you know me, it shouldn't be news that I know how to pamper myself. Yes, pampering yourself is a big part of loving yourself abi will you pamper someone you don't love? I don't think so. My Ig page has "Choose your happiness first" as it's caption. This just means that with all the turns and turbulence of life, your happiness should be priority. Nothing good can come out of an unhappy soul believe me. Choosing your happiness first doesn't mean you are selfish and won't consider others but in this life's journey you can't afford to be miserable because you don't want to be selfish or because you don't want to offend people. My guy, love yasef and be happy. Anyway, this list is random and just writing as the blogging spirit leads. Yaass!

• Have a good mindset. Your mind is in control of this life game fam. If it's messy up there, it will be messy both in and out. Your mindset should be top notch on life, school (no you are not dumb, you is smart you is wise), relationships with people, finances (if all you think about is how broke you are, you will remain broke until you use that mind space to look for how to get money)

• Live freely with everyone. Don't be that judgmental judy everyone runs away from. Accommodate people that also know what self loving is. you will learn from them. 

• Get to know yourself.  I don't know why people are more eager to get to know other people but barely know themselves. If you don't know yourself, how will you know who you can complement? I don't know why this analysis came to my head but imagine a universal socket that any plug can connect to. The plug will always get used why? Because no identity. Same as humans, if you don't know the limit to the rubbish you can take from people, you will just be a dumping ground. Smelly smelly

• Do fun things alone. Yes a friend's company is good but have your alone time. Travel, go to a restaurant with a book or gadget etc. You'd be surprised to see your fun 'things to do alone' list grow. (hmm maybe I should create a list for myself). Let me tell you about the time I spontaneously went to Slovakia for 4 days. Got to my hotel room, went to the bath tub, turned on the water, lit some candles, put a series on the tab, got the wine and chocolate that came with the room and just soaked away. I posted a photo on bbm I think and till today some friends don't believe I was in Slovakia alone. Lol Hi friends! :) That was just day one. You can imagine the fun things I did for the rest of the trip. For me though, relaxing is one of the fun things I like to do. Gives one time to think.  

• Find hidden talents and if you can't find them after searching highs and lows, create one. I appreciated myself more when I started baking. I was surprised at how quick I could learn something that was so foreign to me. Believe it or not I was falling for myself o. LOL I'm telling you. Like how can I be good at something just like that without prior knowledge thanks to google. Wait na lemme wash myself small. You see how these things link? If I didn't have my alone time, I wouldn't have thought of how to learn something new and exciting. 

• When you are down, pamper yourself. I usually just go for a massage or manipedi. They help to calm the soul and if there's no money for that, buy some cheap wine, put some slow sleep inducing music on and meditate. Try to take your mind off what ever is troubling you and focus on what again? Yes, your happiness. Clap for yourself.  Oh and by the way, you don't have to be gloomy to pamper yourself. You can be spontaneous with that too. As per, let me surprise me. Lol it's like having 2 people in one. You are your best friend. Love it! 

• At the end of it all, nobody can love you more than you love yourself (Well, except your parents). People will love you based on how much you love yourself and how you reflect to them. You can only reflect what is inside. Let it be lovely. Lastly, when you love yourself, no rumor or gossip can bring you down because you know you. 

Wait o I am not telling you to break up with your partner because of this list ehn ehn before you say Dedun wants to break relationships. To be honest, this list is for me sef. If you want to borrow it, feel free lol. At the end of the day, if it is not right, it really isn't but you can't say it never will be right. Both of you have to be committed to make it right. This post will mark the end of the "Relationship" series. I don try.

• Both of you know and accept that God comes first in the relationship. I don't know how else to explain this but if God comes first, there are loads of things that won't happen and even when you fight, the God factor will soften your hearts to forgive each other. When the relationship becomes challenging, God can help you carry the load and ease your pain. (Psalm 127:1) 

• You both are working towards an end goal, Marriage. See ehn having a goal doesn't necessarily mean by force by fire it must happen. Goals just help to keep you focused and not distracted. There are many good relationships that don't end up in marriage because of many reasons. On the flip side, because the bobo keeps mentioning marriage doesn't mean that's his intention. Ladies, be at alert, guard your hearts and don't be in a rush to enter that relationship at the first sound of marriage.  

• Mutual respect is evident. Respect is not only by "(S)he doesn't insult me bla bla" but when you don't know each other's plans and all, that's disrespect o. (I mean how can I be your girlfriend but your plans in life are alien to me? That shows you disregard my opinion about your plans)

• You know communication is very important and practice it. Aside from long distance relationships, which I'm a secretary of, relationships in general survive on communication. No! I'm not saying the "have you eaten today or what did you eat today" kind of boring conversations. I'm talking about checking up on each other's welfare, knowing when "I'm fine" is really "help me!", talk about everything there is to talk about. Share your anger, share your joy. Let them know when they've pissed you off. Talk about it.

• You both know the importance of submission by prayer and fasting. Pray for the relationship. If you can't pray together, there's fire on the mountain. If it's gun  you have to point to his/her head (or perhaps bribe with food) before he/she prays with/for you, wahala dey o. You both need to cultivate the habit of praying and fasting. Marriage is not beans and because it is a spiritual bond, you both will fight spiritual battles and how will you conquer if your prayer life is non existent or lukewarm?

• You are both accountable to a mentor. Most people don't like being accountable to someone that is experienced in the field they are interested in eg Marriage but they want to go for marriage counseling before "I do". Issokay. Don't let your marriage counseling start a couple of months to your wedding day. Start waaaay before the ring. You'd be amazed how strong the relationship you build will be. 

• You understand each other. You will achieve this through communication. I think we can insert the 5 love languages here. (Quality Time, Gifts, Selfless Service, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation) The physical touch is at your own risk o, God is watching you in 5D. 

• Who butterflies don epp? You both know the giggly feelings you have for each other won't sustain the relationship. Don't play yourself. 

• You have each other's back. Help always!! There's no time to take the back seat when your partner needs your help. Strive to be the best you can be for each other. Be the shoulder he/she cries on. Go all out for each other. It's all part of the sacrifices in a relationship and yes this does not guarantee that you will end up together. If you don't, there are no regrets. You know you gave your best. 

• Both of you know the importance of investing in the relationship. This point just sums up everything I've written. 

Just a couple of advice from me to you. In my note, I wrote this important advice I came across by a writer, Brian Warnes. He said "It is not sufficient to choose a partner who just says they are a Christian because they may/will prove to be otherwise and also if they are converted but not committed to the Lord, they will always be looking back to the worldly things. Finally, can two walk together except they agree? Amos 3:3."

Remember people, Singleness is not a disease. Immerse yourself deeply in the anointing of the Holy Spirit, get to know yourself. When you do this, you'd be able to discern between the good and bad partner choice.

Love,
Dedun

• Get a driving license before you leave the country, enroll in a driving school while you are still a student. Saves you stress later. 

• Get your tax number. You can do this before grad (For Hungary. Confirm with your university if it's not in Hungary)

• Learn a language while you are still a student. (Especially if you don't plan to return to your home country but if you are like me that does not like learning languages, your chances will be slimmer because an english speaking country will be your focus for job search)

• If Masters or Phd is your next goal, start researching and apply early. Internet is always there to help. For Medical Doctors, you can start a Phd immediately. You don't need another masters because your MD degree covers that. 

• It's advisable to start prepping for USMLE from 4th year of med school. You can use the whole year to prep then write the exam just before 5th year resumes.

• For Ireland, you can't do much until you have your certificate. Long waiting time and costs a handful of money. So while you wait for a job offer, you can build your CV by volunteering at hospitals or start a Masters if you can afford one or do something productive e.g learn a language. 

• For Malta, there's written exam and oral interview. You have to travel to Malta for both. I don't have much info on it but will post when I do. The job lasts for two years (house job) and you basically have to leave when you are done with the house job :( .Update: The info for Malta is here

• For Canada, It's a tough one if you are not Canadian. I heard their board exam is not beans too. 

• For Nigeria, hmm I won't advice anyone to go back home now o except your husband/wife/kids are there waiting for you or perhaps you just want to go back 100% regardless of the hardship waiting there. You can't spend all those $ abroad only to go back to suffer-head life like you never left it. At least earn the total money your sponsors paid for tuition plus accommodation in fact add up-keep too. Add everything together, when you have 70% of that in your savings, you can safely move back home. The good part is that, by the time you have that 70% in your savings, I don't think you will start from the bottom when you go home. I mean you should be done with residency by that time.  LOL see how this naija own long sha but guys it's the truth o.

• For USMLE. Afoma, a medical student and blogger, took her time to write two detailed blog posts about USMLE. It's a long read so I will just post a preview below and you can read the rest on her blog.