I can't wait to hear from you guys but before then let me write what I think about the wait before a new relationship. I will divide it randomly.
Questions to ask before you start a new relationship
- Are you healed from the last breakup? As I am right now ehn, I am in a post break up phase but gradually getting out of it. It's not easy trust me unless your last relationship was rubbish, then healing might probably take you one week- one month and you might feel you are ready to say yes to a new relationship. That's on you. But if you are still hurt when you see picture of said ex or when he/she randomly pops in your head and you don't feel joy/happiness when that happens, you have not healed. So please take your gentle time to mourn a past relationship. I don't know if a year sounds ridiculous but according to Psychiatry, a mourning period usually lasts 2-6months.
- Have you worked on correcting the mistakes you made in the last relationship? Whether you were the reason for the break up or nah, have you thought of the things you did wrong? Have you corrected those bad habits? Are you learning to be more attentive and less argumentative? Are you working on your jealousy, mood swings etc? If you've not thought about all these things, you are not ready for a new relationship. If not, you will carry that same load to the new person and expect a different result. It won't end well again.
- Are you certain of what you want in your next partner? There's no time to waste randomly accepting different things/characters in a person. You have to sit down, have a talk with yourself and write down what you want in your next partner. That way, you can single him/her out of a crowd of potentials.
What to do while waiting
- Get your life together: Aside from your emotional needs, divert some attention to other aspects of your life. If your heart break is taking it's time to heal, don't focus on it for too long. It will heal on it's own provided you don't touch it. Dress the wound, disinfect it once in a while but let nature take over. Put more time into your growth be it financially, physically and mentally.
- Don't ignore potentials: In fact this advice is for me too. I've realized that I push people away when I know I'm not ready but bruv that bad habit is changing. Potentials will even help you to get over the mourning phase quickly. I kid you not. Be careful, not all that look like potentials are. Sieve them out as quickly as possible. Let them know you are not in "ready for a new relationship" phase. If they understand, good. If not, good riddance.
- You will probably say I've come again but this point is very important. Grow your spiritual life! This point would have been included two points above but it's a special one. When you have the great spirit of discernment, you will know exactly the weed that needs to be uprooted. Pray for your future partner and wait on God. That's all. I won't over beat this point.
- Embrace your singleness: This point deserves a whole post on it's own so wait for it.
You are probably still asking How long you should wait.
After considering and implementing all I've written above, the wait period depends on you. It can take you months or even a couple of years (depending on your age) to wait for the next and final one. When you are ready, you will know. Be honest with yourself and don't waste your time in a new relationship if you are not ready. Don't put a time stamp on when you think you will be healed and ready for a new one but instead, cherish every day of being single as it comes. In a nutshell, Your waiting period should be a time for significant growth! If you are not a better person than you were, a new relationship might just be a waste except of course you are part of the percentage that don't care about what a relationship is all about and just claim one for the sake of it.
Over to you beautiful readers, what's the shortest and longest time you think you can wait for?
Love,
Dedun
