Truth Be Told

Wait o I am not telling you to break up with your partner because of this list ehn ehn before you say Dedun wants to break relationships. To be honest, this list is for me sef. If you want to borrow it, feel free lol. At the end of the day, if it is not right, it really isn't but you can't say it never will be right. Both of you have to be committed to make it right. This post will mark the end of the "Relationship" series. I don try.

• Both of you know and accept that God comes first in the relationship. I don't know how else to explain this but if God comes first, there are loads of things that won't happen and even when you fight, the God factor will soften your hearts to forgive each other. When the relationship becomes challenging, God can help you carry the load and ease your pain. (Psalm 127:1) 

• You both are working towards an end goal, Marriage. See ehn having a goal doesn't necessarily mean by force by fire it must happen. Goals just help to keep you focused and not distracted. There are many good relationships that don't end up in marriage because of many reasons. On the flip side, because the bobo keeps mentioning marriage doesn't mean that's his intention. Ladies, be at alert, guard your hearts and don't be in a rush to enter that relationship at the first sound of marriage.  

• Mutual respect is evident. Respect is not only by "(S)he doesn't insult me bla bla" but when you don't know each other's plans and all, that's disrespect o. (I mean how can I be your girlfriend but your plans in life are alien to me? That shows you disregard my opinion about your plans)

• You know communication is very important and practice it. Aside from long distance relationships, which I'm a secretary of, relationships in general survive on communication. No! I'm not saying the "have you eaten today or what did you eat today" kind of boring conversations. I'm talking about checking up on each other's welfare, knowing when "I'm fine" is really "help me!", talk about everything there is to talk about. Share your anger, share your joy. Let them know when they've pissed you off. Talk about it.

• You both know the importance of submission by prayer and fasting. Pray for the relationship. If you can't pray together, there's fire on the mountain. If it's gun  you have to point to his/her head (or perhaps bribe with food) before he/she prays with/for you, wahala dey o. You both need to cultivate the habit of praying and fasting. Marriage is not beans and because it is a spiritual bond, you both will fight spiritual battles and how will you conquer if your prayer life is non existent or lukewarm?

• You are both accountable to a mentor. Most people don't like being accountable to someone that is experienced in the field they are interested in eg Marriage but they want to go for marriage counseling before "I do". Issokay. Don't let your marriage counseling start a couple of months to your wedding day. Start waaaay before the ring. You'd be amazed how strong the relationship you build will be. 

• You understand each other. You will achieve this through communication. I think we can insert the 5 love languages here. (Quality Time, Gifts, Selfless Service, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation) The physical touch is at your own risk o, God is watching you in 5D. 

• Who butterflies don epp? You both know the giggly feelings you have for each other won't sustain the relationship. Don't play yourself. 

• You have each other's back. Help always!! There's no time to take the back seat when your partner needs your help. Strive to be the best you can be for each other. Be the shoulder he/she cries on. Go all out for each other. It's all part of the sacrifices in a relationship and yes this does not guarantee that you will end up together. If you don't, there are no regrets. You know you gave your best. 

• Both of you know the importance of investing in the relationship. This point just sums up everything I've written. 

Just a couple of advice from me to you. In my note, I wrote this important advice I came across by a writer, Brian Warnes. He said "It is not sufficient to choose a partner who just says they are a Christian because they may/will prove to be otherwise and also if they are converted but not committed to the Lord, they will always be looking back to the worldly things. Finally, can two walk together except they agree? Amos 3:3."

Remember people, Singleness is not a disease. Immerse yourself deeply in the anointing of the Holy Spirit, get to know yourself. When you do this, you'd be able to discern between the good and bad partner choice.

Love,
Dedun

1. Am I ready to have another person in my space? my space mentally, physically and spiritually?
2. Am I mature enough to be with someone? To be a listening ear, a confidante, a loyal friend, a person of character and integrity with someone? And am I ready to be someone’s spouse in the future?
3. Am I ready to love in the true sense of love? Knowing vividly well everything that love stands for and what love requires of you?
4. Am I ready to walk the walk of relationship? To invest time, prayers, money and emotions into someone else that is not you?
5. Finally am I ready to start my dating relationship the right way? God’s way? In a way that brings glory to God? (if you don’t know what God’s way is, pls research on it….Thanks)

Disclaimer: This is my opinion and I'm very open to you agreeing/disagreeing. Relationship is not a one size fits all but I believe there are common guidelines that should be followed. 

It's a common thing that people don't like to be told how to handle a relationship. Trust me I was on that side too but as growth is a constant, I have reasoned with the "elders" and I now know exactly where they are coming from. I will try and keep this short and sweet. I started dating very early and I believe I have enough experiences from that field. Side note: It's hard to type without lol  This post is an intro to the topic and next week, I will do something different by having a guest post on Pep Talk With Dedun. Anyway, I will just write below a few questions you should ask yourself before you start dating in Uni.

• Am I doing well in school? If your grades are flying up and down and you find it hard to focus on studies, please explain to me how a relationship should be a priority. 20 points

• Do you know yourself well enough? Some people know other people's characters more than they know themselves and it's amazing really. You see your friend and you can say what they are and are not for ages to come but when someone asks you about your likes and dislikes, you take forever to think. If you don't know what ticks you off and what you can't take in a relationship, please develop yourself first. 

• Why is it important for me to date now? Do you want to date because of the imaginary butterflies in your gut? Or perhaps because the person is too fine to let go to someone else? Or  is it to spite your single friends that you can get a girl/guy? Or maybe because you just like attention and gifts (that might not come). Or because you are "lonely" . If you don't love your alone time and you crave company so bad, something is wrong with you. Evaluate yourself. How can you grow if you don't find yourself in your alone time?

• Am I ready to carry the burdens that come with a relationship? Like they say, honeymoon phase lasts a couple of months or weeks?, and the see-finish phase kicks in. It is during this phase you really get to know the person you are dating. So before you enter that relationship, ask yourself if you are ready for the worst. 

• Do you love yourself enough to leave when it's not suitable?  If you don't value yourself or know your worth, when the other person starts messing up, you would stay while convincing yourself that "people have flaws, No one is perfect" Those two lines are the most abused when it comes to relationship. There's so much you can take but if the person is disrespecting you, abuses you and disregards the relationship, run!  

• Are you planning to date with intention? Is the relationship for the long haul or to see where it goes? If your plan is the latter, run! My ex used to tell me, "let's just see where it goes" and my response was "Just like the ocean, the waves can carry you any place it wants. And most times, it won't be suitable unless you control the direction"  So dear reader, if you don't know where the relationship is heading towards, you are doing it wrong. 

• Do you have a list of likes and dislikes in your future partner? If you are not planning to date with the intention of marriage, this is not for you. Yes if you need to make a physical list, do so and remember that you have to be those things too and that brings us to a conclusion that if you are not prepared for the likes and dislikes, a relationship is not for you yet until you are those things and more. So prepare yourself first before accommodating someone else!