Pep Talk With Dedun: Relationships In Uni
1:45:00 PM
Disclaimer: This is my opinion and I'm very open to you agreeing/disagreeing. Relationship is not a one size fits all but I believe there are common guidelines that should be followed.
It's a common thing that people don't like to be told how to handle a relationship. Trust me I was on that side too but as growth is a constant, I have reasoned with the "elders" and I now know exactly where they are coming from. I will try and keep this short and sweet. I started dating very early and I believe I have enough experiences from that field.
- Am I doing well in school? If your grades are flying up and down and you find it hard to focus on studies, please explain to me how a relationship should be a priority. 20 points
- Do you know yourself well enough? Some people know other people's characters more than they know themselves and it's amazing really. You see your friend and you can say what they are and are not for ages to come but when someone asks you about your likes and dislikes, you take forever to think. If you don't know what ticks you off and what you can't take in a relationship, please develop yourself first.
- Why is it important for me to date now? Do you want to date because of the imaginary butterflies in your gut? Or perhaps because the person is too fine to let go to someone else? Or is it to spite your single friends that you can get a girl/guy? Or maybe because you just like attention and gifts (that might not come). Or because you are "lonely" . If you don't love your alone time and you crave company so bad, something is wrong with you. Evaluate yourself. How can you grow if you don't find yourself in your alone time?
- Am I ready to carry the burdens that come with a relationship? Like they say, honeymoon phase lasts a couple of months or weeks?, and the see-finish phase kicks in. It is during this phase you really get to know the person you are dating. So before you enter that relationship, ask yourself if you are ready for the worst.
- Do you love yourself enough to leave when it's not suitable? If you don't value yourself or know your worth, when the other person starts messing up, you would stay while convincing yourself that "people have flaws, No one is perfect" Those two lines are the most abused when it comes to relationship. There's so much you can take but if the person is disrespecting you, abuses you and disregards the relationship, run!
- Are you planning to date with intention? Is the relationship for the long haul or to see where it goes? If your plan is the latter, run! My ex used to tell me, "let's just see where it goes" and my response was "Just like the ocean, the waves can carry you any place it wants. And most times, it won't be suitable unless you control the direction" So dear reader, if you don't know where the relationship is heading towards, you are doing it wrong.
- Do you have a list of likes and dislikes in your future partner? If you are not planning to date with the intention of marriage, this is not for you. Yes if you need to make a physical list, do so and remember that you have to be those things too and that brings us to a conclusion that if you are not prepared for the likes and dislikes, a relationship is not for you yet until you are those things and more. So prepare yourself first before accommodating someone else!
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Like I said this post is an intro and next week, we will elaborate on the topic. Let's make this interactive. If you have more questions to ask before dating, please comment below. Thanks for reading.
Love,
Dedun
10 comments
Very Apt!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting :)
Deletei wish alot of people would actually read this and take it seriously...
ReplyDeletei wish they would too. but thats the beauty of the internet, when they finally feel ready for this advice, they can come back to it to refresh their memory. Thanks for commenting bbe :)
DeleteSound advice dumz
ReplyDeleteOse Deboski. lool
DeleteThis is pretty interesting! A girl once asked me what the right age to start dating is and I told her definitely not in high school or your first year of college. I started dating at the beginning of my 2nd year in college. Do I regret it? No! Do I wish I avoided it? Yes! Was it fun? Yes! Was it damaging physically, emotionally, or mentally? No, luckily! But this isn't the case with a lotta young women. We make HUGE mistakes when we're younger for sure. But the biggest question should be WHY do I wanna get in a relationship?! And WHY now? And WHY with this person? Then it sounds weird but tell a female older mentor (family or not, preferably not family because of clouded judgement) your answers and see what their response is. This is something I wish I knew and I wish a lotta young girls knew. That's my take tho.
ReplyDeleteYeah exactly! be accountable to an older person. When you tell someone this they start asking why someone else needs to know their business but when they are hurt they start looking for who can comfort them. Tbh as much as one grows and learn from experiences, I always say that if it can be avoided, then avoid the doomed relationship future with someone. One can't place the right age to start dating because people mature differently and that is the reason the "WHY" has to be answered thoroughly. God help us all though because amazingly some people have good answers to these questions and still get it wrong in choosing a life partner. or were the answers good sef? who knows.
DeleteI enjoyed reading this. I used to be very indifferent when it comes to the whole relationship thingy. There's this guy who I was just friends with and even though nobody did any asking out or whatever, everyone thinks we're in a relationship. We had to sit down and define our relationship. That helped everything. Nice post..
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