Hey beautiful people, like I promised last week on Pep Talk With Dedun, I said I would flip the script and let a guest write on this week's PTWD. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a Christian and recently I had to revisit my purpose. I can't advice you any other way than God's way. So just a small advice, if you want me to please you in ways that contradict God's word, I won't. After all, it's called Truth Be Told. Thanks for reading none the less.
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I would like to start off by first defining what dating is, because definitions really help. According to urban dictionary dating means to see someone, to be with someone, to be together and the action of doing any sort of various activities to acquaintance with someone romantically. My definition of dating is a decision to exclusively be with someone or see someone, in the process get to know this person better with the end goal of marriage and the guidance of biblically scripted boundaries.
So with that being said, lets tackle what being in a dating relationship entails. I think dating relationships depends on quite a number of things like age, maturity, mental, physical and spiritual status, timing, knowledge, education and emotional intelligence just to mention a few. In the context of our topic, university years would be the timing, the age range can cut across 16-35 years, and maturity being individualistic.To further buttress this, I would like to share story, it’s a bout a girl called Claudia, Claudia started dating pretty early and it started in SS3 in secondary school, it was basically she liked a guy and the guy liked her kinda thing, but she delayed making the relationship official until she was done with WAEC exams. Well, that relationship ended before she entered university.
Now getting into the dentistry school, she meets Frank in her first year, after sometime, they became an inseparable pair but they didn’t last for long because Frank’s parents moved him to another university. Claudia then decided that it was best she and frank end their relationship because LDRs (Long Distance Relationship) weren’t her thing.
In second year, Claudia met another guy named Kenan and they dated for some months. During the course of the relationship Claudia being a very assertive person decided to call it quits because she felt like she wasn’t being loved to the extent that she deserved.
In her third year, She met Timon, actually she didn’t just meet Timon, Timon had been in Claudia’s friendzone all the while she dated other guys. So he finally decided to come out of the friendzone and become Claudia’s boyfriend, he didn’t care about her history with the other guys because he loved her that much. Unfortunately that relationship ended because Claudia had some unfinished business with one of her exes, causing rift in the relationship.
After Timon, Claudia took break and decided to do some soul-searching, self-building, grooming and get the essence of who she was back in focus. In the same timeframe she proclaimed a MANfast, basically she wasn’t going to be another relationship with any guy until she was ready by Heaven’s standards.
Well from the story we can see what dating in the university looks like, at least from a girl’s perspective, so back to the topic. As a firm believer in doing things right and in doing things properly, I think this principle should also apply to dating relationships as well. So in terms of the dating relationships, what would be “doing things right mean”? I am glad you asked, well it means dating for the right reasons, selfless, love-guided, God-centered reasons, please if you don’t have the above stated reasons, I would advice you don’t venture into the dating world or you might end up like Claudia.Knowledge is power indeed, what you know will guide your decisions, emotions, actions and the ability to guide these things is powerful.
Now doing this properly involves dating in the right timing and being ready for what it takes
So if you are like Claudia in the sense of you just dating based on how you feel, that’s wrong.
The proper thing is for you to have a sitdown with yourself, be brutally honest with yourself and ask yourself questions like:
- Am I ready to have another person in my space? my space mentally, physically and spiritually?
- Am I mature enough to be with someone? To be a listening ear, a confidante, a loyal friend, a person of character and integrity with someone? And am I ready to be someone’s spouse in the future?
- Am I ready to love in the true sense of love? Knowing vividly well everything that love stands for and what love requires of you?
- Am I ready to walk the walk of relationship? To invest time, prayers, money and emotions into someone else that is not you?
- Finally am I ready to start my dating relationship the right way? God’s way? In a way that brings glory to God? (if you don’t know what God’s way is, pls research on it….Thanks)
If you answered yes to all this questions you might just be ready for relationship and if you answered no, that’s fine as well, there is no rush in life, so take your time and get yourself acquainted properly with the term “dating relationship”.
Now how does being in university affect all this, I see university years as a time of preparation for life in every other aspect other then getting a degree. It is a time to get a better understanding, of who you are, your personality, character traits, habits and growth process, developing a better you in physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. So having said all this, re-examine and ask yourself, Is having a boyfriend or girlfriend really for me? Am I ready for a relationship? If yes, pls by all means go ahead but if no, take your time before you can confidently say yes, remember the questions I asked earlier? I hope with these few words of mine, I have been able to throw some light on Dating in University
God bless you.
Dr S
