Truth Be Told

I had a plan for 2016. Graduate in September, look for a Masters program to start by September/October as a means to stay busy while I process my job applications to the country I plan to move to, travel to a new country/city once a month, do better with my businesses, get better with my spiritual life before the end of the year and finally, grow with my partner. That was the plan until 2016 started to unfold in a different way.

The first half was a rollercoaster, things got extremely shaky and I didn't know then, that it was in preparation for the second half. Half of my plans went down the drain and all kinds of emotion took over. I wasn't as happy anymore, I yearned for a more spiritual life (for more on how I got this, read Journey Back To God) and everything around me just seemed uninteresting. I had to give up my relationships, friendships but through it all, I was hopeful that my turn around was coming soon. Thankfully, exams were going okay and at least the plan to graduate by September looked achievable.

The second half of the year started on a better note even though I still had no Msc admission or even have an application sent. I was optimistic and looked forward to celebrating with my folks. I created a brand name, started blogging regularly, became a frequent face in church and I was just happier with my life. Fast forward, I finally found and got enrolled in a post graduate school and I graduated from Medical school. Suddenly, the dreams I never had started unraveling.

A few of my close friends can testify to this when I say I never dreamt of a famous life. I was the type of child that believed living a quiet life equalled optimal security. I value peace and I live by it, all day all year. I wanted to be successful but the quiet type that will only give anonymous donations and be represented by someone else at an event. I never wanted to be at the fore front of anything. All these changed when God instructed me to email my story to news platforms the day after I passed my board exam. I deliberated on it and didn't even know what I will write in the email. I prayed about it and two days later, I sent an enquiry email. I was shocked when the three platforms I emailed responded almost immediately with the request to send in the story. Of the three, two people fulfilled their promises and published it exactly one week after my board exam. My story became a sensation, from shares to likes to requests to messages. I was overwhelmed (more about that here On Dr Dedun).

My folks couldn't make it for my graduation and I had to come to Nigeria just to visit them and have our own party (ahah we've not done that yet lol). I also had contacts with people I was supposed to meet, interview I was scheduled for and a conference I was supposed to be a delegate at. Those were my plans for my supposed short trip to Nigeria but lo and behold, God had better plans. All of those plans never happened and I was down. I had so much negative vibe around me I just wanted to leave Nigeria, go back to my cozy apartment and continue my life. In all of these, I kept telling God to take control as I had no energy left in me to accept another disappointment. I did not want to believe that Nigeria will always disappoint me so I confided in a friend who gave me some energy boost and I went back to the drawing board.

As I was scrolling on my Twitter feed, I saw a repost about a TV program and I clicked on it. The next day, the urge to email the producers of the show was too much for me that I just did it! As God would have it, this landed me my first TV interview ever with Ebony Life TV on their show, The Crunch. It aired yesterday and I will update the blog if it gets posted on Youtube. All the dreams I never had started coming to life. I became one of Jumia Food's ambassador, I'm becoming more popular, networking with great minds and getting calls left and centre for interviews and one more huge announcement coming very soon.

All of this is beginning to make sense to me. During the course of the year, I was confused about where I would move to and I asked God to direct my steps. He didn't give me any answer before and immediately after I graduated but all of a sudden, the answers are rolling in and I'm amazed. The point of this post is to let you know that truthfully, your dreams are valid but God's dreams for you are far better and as you are busy making your plans, don't forget to give God the chance to have His way. You will be blown away by how inconspicuous your dream is to His and that is exactly where I stand right now.

Once upon a time, I had the dream to be quietly successful with hidden influence on others but today, I am living the dream I never had because I let God take over. I have more influence on people, doing my quota to make the world a better place and living a better life than planned. What are you waiting for? Submit all to Him who owns your destiny. God bless you.

I'm sorry again that I've not been updating often on this blog but please follow my social media pages as my presence on them these days is something else. Instagram, Facebook and Twitter 

I will be interviewed live on The Woman on Nigeria Info 99.3 FM Lagos at 4pm today. You can listen on www.nigeriainfo.fm and click on the listen live link.

Thanks for all your support.

Love,

Dr Dedun

I got quite a number of messages from people interested in meeting me. I took a while to decide on time and venue because in this naija, one can't be spontaneous and most venue will ask you to pay etc. Decided on Dominos because at least we can buy pizza and merry away. It's a bit short notice but we can make it work. I look forward to meeting and inspiring everyone. Kilzes

Date: This Sunday, Nov 20

Time: 2pm

Venue: Dominos, Herbert Macaulay Way, Yaba.

"You're too big for errors
You're too wise for mistakes
You are a mighty God
Perfect in all your ways.
You were here before my first breath,
And you'll be here when nothing else is left.
You are a mighty God
Forever and always"

Dedun: It's just good to remind ourselves that God is not human that makes mistakes or false promises. Whatever plan He has for us are true and the best, perfect in His ways so we can be like Him. Even when we fall short, He will still be where we left Him. 

"You loved me in spite of my flaws
You hold me close in the midst of it all
A present help when I am in need
I'm grateful that You won't give up on me.

You love me when no one else would
You kept me when no one else could
Thank you for being God"

Before I start today's topic, I will like to apologize for my absence. I know y'all see me as superwoman but sometimes I have to drop the cape and accept I can't always multitask. The reason why I was absent was for lack of better word, writer's block. I'm a spontaneous writer and because I was so busy with Dedun's Cakes, I didn't have to time to think of blog content or even sit down to type. I've also started my Msc and that alone with the tests I have to take every week is adding to the stress. Please forgive me if I don't post regularly as I used to but if you want to be a content writer for the blog, you can contact me.

On my way to Nigeria last month, I read the in-flight magazine and one article that caught my eye was on Core Values. I can't remember vividly the writer's core values but I will write mine and maybe they will answer all the questions I've been asked these past weeks. First of, what are core values? Core values are personal beliefs unique to an individual. Your core values define you and if you stay true to them, the person you are/will become will revolve around that core. It is of high importance that these core values are positives according to the law governing the world because if they are negative, it only means you are a negative person, pretty simple. I believe when you know what your core values are, you will fight to keep that core intact since they keep you going in life.

Below are my top five core values..

• My faith: I've been a Christian since I knew what a church was even though I was born into a Muslim-ish family. Thing is nothing was defined, my mum was born into a royal family (so trad/islam religion) and my dad is a Christian. I was never forced to pick one as only my dad practiced a religion actively but I grew up following my neighbors to church and I picked the Christian faith. After primary school, I was sent to a missionary boarding school and that was when my personal encounter with God started. After hearing/witnessing bizarre things happen, it wasn't difficult to be convinced that there's a higher power. To cut the long story short, I've always held my faith tightly because I knew who I am is based on that which I hold dear, my Father in heaven. Of course, revolving around your core will bring you the highs and lows but as long as you remain in the orbit, you won't lose your core connection (abeg physicist don't start with me o)

• Honesty: I don't know how to lie because I believe I will always get caught. Anyone that knows me can testify to this. I crave honesty and I practice honesty hence why I detest being lied to/ liars. I stay away from people that lie to me, I mean I literally cut them off because I don't want to be affected negatively and cultivate the habit of lying. I stay true to this value by reminding myself anytime the option of lying comes up that "honesty is the best policy" 

• Continuous learning: Until life stops, every lost second is a lost opportunity to learn, either continuous learning or learning something new. Never stop learning! I cherish learning so much and it has brought me this far too. My curiosity to learn and try something new got me to develop my hidden skills. I have a belief that everyone has talent(s), in different categories, but you will never know your talents and skills if you don't take that step to learn and try something new. The most common setbacks with this value is the fear of trying and taking risks. In my pursuit to learn, I specifically searched for conferences in Nigeria for the period I will be here, months before I even bought a ticket. The only risk I didn't take was to pay for the not free ones but what if I told you I forgot I registered for a conference and I only remembered when an email was sent the week before. This conference, Excellence in Leadership, was mind-blowing. I sacrificed money to leave my residential city, extra hours of sleep just so I can learn from people above me and boy did this sacrifice pay. What I'm trying to say here is that one has to keep learning as a bid to grow and sacrifices will have to be made. It's one of my values and if it's not yours yet, please consider it and add it to your list. 

• Excellence: I'm a firm believer of "whatever you do, do it excellently well". (Please don't yimu and say I'm not doing the blog well) whatever you do excellently well will yield excellent result, it might take a short or long time but you will definitely reap what you sowed. 

• Love: I know most of my friends say I'm not romantic but I don't think romance equals love. Love is a sacrifice and you have to sacrifice to get results.  If love is one of your core values, it will show in your friendships, relationships, work, education, your relations with strangers etc

Hi people. How have you been? No really, step back for a moment and think about it. I do hope you've been doing well and you have every reason to smile. This post is a short one. Have you heard this song by Tosin Martins? Here's a listen.


This is a song of gratitude. It captures (to an extent) my words at the moment. Another song that does that is Onise Iyanu (Dedun featured it here), in fact the mix of that song and You are God (done here). I hope you enjoy the song just like I do.
Have yourself an amazing weekend.

Jesus joy,
Dew

(I apologise on Dedun's behalf for not posting regularly).

"...With our hearts surrendered here
Come and breathe on us and change the atmosphere"

This TMNS topic was originally planned for last Saturday. My devotional was talking about envy and when I got on Instagram, I also saw a few posts about envy and I figured those were signs for me to talk about envy on the blog until my internet data decided to have a mind of it's own and ruined my parade. Back to the topic of discussion for the day, let's dissect Envy. 

I remember when I was younger, I had this book titled "Seven Deadly Sins". I can't remember the content fully but Envy, a.k.a covetousness, was one of the deadly sins. Envy can be a result of yearning for other's possessions or it can stir up chronic jealousy against someone. It's so easy to commit this sin especially when the person being envied is close to home e.g a friend, family member or partner. It can also be due to a case of "see finish syndrome" where one has seen the worst in the other person and doesn't believe something good can still come out of that person.

I've written so many times on how our individuality is centrally located in our mindset. Envy stems from the mindset and our mind controls us. When the mindset is conditioned to believe we don't have enough or we are doing poorly in life, discontentment takes over the throne and in return discontentment births envy. In some special cases, someone that seems to have it all can still be jealous of another. They get jealous of someone else not because of what that person has but because of how they got it (the easier way perhaps). Envy can blow into something as disastrous as suicide or depression if not taken care of the minute it rears it head. Before I write a long intro, I will briefly discuss how you can overcome envy. 

• Evaluate yourself: Honestly, this should be the first thing you should do anytime you find yourself deep in thoughts, wishing you had what someone else has (especially when it's from a jealousy angle) Find out why you feel that way and what you can do to stop your mind from wandering in that direction. 

• Count your blessings: For real, if you keep focusing on what you don't have, you will lose what you have. Counting your blessings will help you to focus on what you have, appreciating them and keeping them. 

• All fingers are not equal: My mother used to say it a lot when I was younger. I can't remember my mum ever mentioning if my mates leading my class have two heads. She never, not once, compared me to others and I'm forever grateful for that. We are all unique and everyone is in a different journey, some shorter, some longer. The goal at the end of the journey might be somewhat similar for some but it will always be a different approach to get that goal. Next time the thoughts of envy/jealousy cross your mind, remember your story has not ended.  You are not equal to your neighbor. 

• Always find a reason to celebrate: Make sure you celebrate any progress made, this helps to keep the focus on you. Have the mindset of celebration. Reward yourself, when you form this habit, you'd realize you look forward to accomplishing every goal that you now have little or no time to look over someone's grass. Still on celebration, rejoice with those that rejoice. Don't let your neighbor's success/celebration derail you from your own purpose. Celebrating with others is also a way of opening your arms to welcome your own celebration when it comes. 

• Eliminate gossips: Most times we don't even realize we care about another person's paths until it's brought up as a topic of discussion. After taking into account, the opinions of fellow gossipers, the seed of envy has been sown into your heart. Before you know it, the time you should have used to think of how to progress, you find your mind wandering to thoughts about  how he/she did it (so quick or so well) and end up comparing yourself to that person. You have to eliminate people that find time to talk ill about the success of others. People that deliberately sow the seed of jealousy should be gotten rid of immediately.

• Keep your core values and focus on those: I already have a topic on Core Values in my draft. I will talk about this point on that post but in a nutshell, stay grounded and disciplined with you in focus and no one else. 

• When all these fails, confide in someone that can help you: Trust me, there are cases of Chronic Jealousy that can be linked to organic cause. Some people can just be envious of others with no reasonable explanation, not because they lack or can't have what that person has. It will help if one doesn't keep this to oneself and discuss it with an experienced individual that can help deal with this bad trait.

Hello Hello!
How has your week been? I hope its been amazing. I trust those here in Debrecen are already in the holiday mood: shout out to the long weekend! Whatever it is (weekend or holiday), I pray you have an amazing one. Today's 'souled song' is a quick one.




Ever heard of Wati? So this is not a sponsored post but wow! Its a heart cry to God and we know He hears us. Here's a part of the chorus you can take good note of:

She didn't bother to check the pictures of the hotel as most of the ones she liked were full for Christmas, it was a case of "beggars have no choice." As Zeke pulled up in front of the shabby exterior of the building situated in a side street, Mandy took a deep breath.

Mandy: "I’m sorry" (she said painfully) "I really am, but one day you’ll see this was for the  best. Thank you for meeting me today but I think it’s better if we communicated only through our solicitors from now on."

Zeke said nothing, exiting the car and walking round the bonnet to help her out, his face grim, she glanced at his face as he shut the passengers door. When he extracted her case, she reached out a hand for it but he ignored the action, taking her arm as he steered her towards the hotel’s glass doors. Once inside the hotel lobby, which wasn’t as bad as the exterior, she extended her hand for the

case once more.

Mandy: "Thank you, I can take it from here."

Zeke: "Sit down" (he deposited her on one of the plump sofas) "I’ll check you in and get the case sent to your room and then we’re going for lunch. Is there anything in the case you need before it disappears?"

Mandy: (She shook her head) "But I don’t think…"

Zeke: "Good, don’t think" (he said with grim sarcasm)  "For once in your life, just listen."

She stared at his back as he walked over to the reception desk and muttered several words under her breath. Her legs were hurting, her head was spinning and her back was aching like mad. He returned to her in a couple of minutes.

"All taken care of. They’re serving lunch at the restaurant in an hour, so I’ve asked the concierge to park the car. They have a few spaces reserved for staffs but they were very helpful, very helpful indeed. I thought you’d prefer to eat here than elsewhere"

(he continued, sitting down beside her)     

"…you look tired and I’ve ordered coffee while we wait."

After glaring at him and thinking how dare he take over like this, and what does he mean by she looked tired? That she looked haggard and unattractive?  She then turned to look outside the window next to the sofa, big fat flakes of snow were settling on the ground and already rooftops were covered with a glistening mantle. As though he could read her mind he said quietly…

"Looks like we wouldn’t have to chase the snow this year, like last year, it came to us instead."

Mandy: "Except there’s not much skiing down the road" (she said lightly) "not unless you want to be taken away by men in white coats."

Zeke: (he chuckled, then his smile died and he leant forward)  "Talk to me, Dee. Tell me how you feel, what this is really about, I need to know – you can surely see that this excuse about not feeling the same, isn’t you."

Mandy: (choosing her words carefully she looked him full in the face) "Zeke, will you listen to me? Really listen and not interrupt until I’ve finished, will you do that?"

Zeke: (he nodded his tensed face) "If you tell me the truth."

Mandy: "You asked me earlier if I still love you and the answer to that question is yes, of course I do."

At his sudden movement she held up her hand, palm facing him.

"You promised"  (she reminded him)

He settled back, his eyes intent on hers.

Zeke: "Go on"

Mandy: "But now, after the accident, my loving you or you loving me is not enough. From a little girl all I’ve ever wanted to do was dance, it was my life. I was totally dedicated to and disciplined by demands of ballet, up until I grew too tall. But as long as I could carry on dancing I didn’t mind too much. You know how fierce the competition is within the entertainment business, but it never caused me a moment of doubt because I had to dance. It was as simple as that. And now that is over… "

(the waiter interrupted to serve the coffee. She waited till he left and she continued) 
  
 "…I know I could have been killed that day, and I am grateful to be alive, but I can never go back to

the way things were. I’m all at sea at the moment, I admit it. One thing I do know is that if I don’t want to drown a sludge of self-pity, I have to make a new life for myself far away from the world I’ve

embraced for the last decade. And Zeke…" (she paused) 

Self Growth has been a very interesting topic on Pep Talk, albeit a long one. I really hope I've been able to explain what Self Growth is and I will round up with today's post, Time Management. How you manage your time is essential to your growth. You can know how to do every other thing on the Self Growth list, manage your time badly and in the end, no growth is evident. I will outline a few points I practice everyday and I'm not a perfect time manager because procrastination still rears it's head once in a while. That's forgivable and in as much as it pays to be strict with your time, don't knock yourself out.

• Have a daily planner: If you are an ardent reader of the blog, you'd know I preach this a lot. I believe if you can have a daily plan, you'd spend your time wisely in a day. If you just wake up with the mindset of moving along with time, you'd end up with a basic day and less productivity. (ps- I have something in the works for you guys regarding this and I can't wait to let you in the know)

• Categorize the plan in a descending manner of importance: Start with the most important task to the least. It makes it easier to mark the ones you've done and to be aware of the important ones you've yet to do. 

• Be specific: I've been guilty of not writing in details what I need to do and it only gets me confused at the end. Be as specific as you can be with the time. (eg. Get my hair done at 3pm; Go to Mum's office at 5pm etc)

• Don't overwork the plan: If peradventure the time you allocated is not enough, you can stylishly steal a few minutes from the next task and complete it but make sure you don't ignore one for the other. Trust me it might seem unreasonable to leave an uncompleted task for a new one. There have been times I had no choice but to abandon the blog because I was extremely busy in the background and to be honest, this was my fault as I didn't manage my time properly. It's understandable really and that's why I said you should have a list from the most important to the least one.

• Don't procrastinate: When I graduated, I needed to file some paper works and do a couple of registration. I decided to rest instead thinking I had enough time to do it. I didn't have Nigeria in my plans and suddenly I had to come to Nigeria and I ended up rushing the paper work. It's quite easy to think we have time until suddenly, you have no account as to how you've spent the time. Whatever you have to do now, do it immediately. Procrastination only wastes one's time and when it's time to do everything, no time left. 

• Focus on the time you have left and not on those wasted: Sometimes we focus on how much time has gone by and not on how we can maximize the remaining time. You hear people say "I don't have time for this and that, I'm not doing it because time has passed" Instead we should say "I will find time for it and I will do it when the time I've allocated to it comes" Attend to the present task and don't be distracted by the next.

• Don't be easily distracted by social media: I previously wrote about Social Media and I mentioned the advantages of it. If you are always distracted by social media when you should be working on your tasks, you will need to look for a strict way to avoid it so it doesn't steal out of your time. You can deactivate/delete the apps while you work or switch off your phone if you don't need it etc. Social Media is the number one thief of time. It's so easy to get sucked in and ignore the task at hand. The most common task that is easily disrupted by social media is study time. Instead of studying diligently, one picks up the phone to quickly check instagram for five minutes, that eventually elongates to thirty minutes and before you know it, allocated study time is over and you end up with a non-productive study day. It goes on and on like that and it will reflect in your exam results. It's a long cycle and that cycle is controlled by time. 

• Evaluate how you spend your time: You won't really know you how your time is spent if you don't evaluate it. Write down the main things you spend your time on and how they've affected your growth. If you notice you spent more time watching movies, cut that time. If you notice you spend more time being productive, keep at it. 

• Allocate time to rest: You already know I hold my sleep/rest days dear. On average, I get seven hours of sleep. It's very important to rest because you cannot come and go and kill yourself. If you are always working and resting less, your body will tell on you. You will eventually end up sick and sick period will steal your time. As much as you cherish the work period when money is coming in, you have to dedicate major time to rest. 

• Don't let people waste your time: You have to value your time. When you know how much your time is worth, you won't give it out to just anyone. You shouldn't always be available when your friend calls you to hang out. Your daily time plan should be filled to the point that you are not at everyone's beck and call.

• Stick to your plan: At the end of it all, you can do all these and after a short while, you give up on it and go about your former random day. When you stick to these points for a long while, maybe six months, look back and compare to the days you didn't have a daily plan. If you think you were more productive without a plan, feel free to go back to that life but I can assure you that you'd be more productive when you manage your time appropriately.