Truth Be Told

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okay this is a spontaneous post. Didn't plan to write this.

Out of the blues, I decided to think about the highlights of my 2011. Got lots and lots of memories. I don't even know the best one. I'm grateful for numerous things though. One being the fact that I found my writing talent in 2011.

My initial reason for opening this blogspot account wasn't because I knew I could write. It was because I read an article my friend wrote about Nigerian movies and it was so funny that I wanted to put it as my facebook status but coz it was a large article, I decided to open this account so I could paste it here then share the link on facebook.
here's the link:

http://trainofhearts.blogspot.com/2010/02/peculiarities-of-nigerian-movies.html

As you can see this was almost two years ago.. and I didn't post anything on here until 15months after. That was when I knew I could do something extra useful with a pen and my hand. I got inspiration from an experience and it was amazing to me how I could write it in less than 30mins. That speed inspired me to try writing as a hobby. But there was a problem, I didn't know what to write about anymore. So i started thinking of interesting experiences and so on.

My next story was part fiction part non-fiction but I was so happy that I had the gift of changing words. That was exactly when I knew God had given me a talent I never knew was there. You know the rest of the story.

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My point is sometimes we never really know the talents that are swimming helplessly in us until we decide to try something out. Need I say that I've tried drawing.. Like them sketches for making clothes and all but I wasn't good at it. I gave it up coz I knew there's really nothing there except I decide to go to a school of fashion for it. Long thing. But i'm considering make-up school though. I've seen a lil bit of talent there. *batting eyelashes*

Enough of talents but I'll tell you one thing though... Try doing something you've never done(talent wise).

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I'm also grateful for my life. I probably wouldn't have made it to 2011 if I had went ahead with the stupid decision of committing suicide but I'm so happy for the friends I have and my nuclear family, they are the reason I'm still standing and excited for 2012.

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I'm madly grateful for my Mum.. wouldn't have asked for a better mother if I was given the opportunity. She massively believes in me even when I told her I wanted to give up on med school(here I am planning for Anat finals). She's been so strong. Looking beautiful at her age. I so wanna look as beautiful as she is when I get to that age.

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Also grateful for my Debrecen family. I know Nigerians here are a lot but then I can say that's a very good thing that could happen to someone when you are far away from home. (excluding US&UK..those places are proper "Nigerian countries").

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Can't remember any other thing coz they are a lot. But in all, Almighty Lord, your daughter, Oluwo Adedunmola, is ever grateful for every single thing you've done. Mentioned or not. Patiently gonna wait for the testimonies 2012 have to offer.

What are you grateful for?

btw, I finally have a "DEC 31st, 2011" post. lool

I could have sworn that I was all for "Team keep your innocence for your husband." Don't get me wrong, I still support the movement but...........

******

I "met" George at a training section that was hosted at my place of work. The moment he walked into the hall, I silently said to myself 'Damn, who's this able-bodied bloke'. Lol I'm not saying it was love at first sight, was just appreciating what was before me. Anyway, I brushed it off and put back on my coat of work ethics. The day went by without talking to the unknown man.

As fate would have it, I got transferred to his branch five months after. I forgot to mention that I worked in a bank as an accountant. I really hated the word "transfer" because it felt like secondary school steeze all over again. My new colleagues were nice to me though. They welcomed me with a mini office party, after office hours.


It was during this party that he walked up to me and said "Hello ma'am, I'm George and you are?" I replied with a sly smile "I'm Trisha. Nice to meet you George". The whole pleasantries went on and after, say an hour, the party was over and everyone had dispersed.

I'll spare you "the woo-ing process" story and go straight to the point. After a year, George and I started dating. For me, it was really nothing serious, at first, because I agreed to date him just so he could stop being too persistent on my case. My initial reason for been reluctant to date him was coz I planned not to have any personal relationship with a colleague. You get me? Anyway, the plan's been ruined.

After Six months of loving what was not, I started seeing the persistent part of George again, this time around, it was for the nookie. I give up/in easily but I decided to be strong this time. So I turned my persistent self on and continuously told him no, with a reason. Trust me I was ready for him to break up with me, like they usually do but surprisingly, he didn't. Instead , he said he'll wait for the right time. For that statement, I found myself falling head over heels with my boyfriend.

We grew closer and the moments with him were the best moments of my life. On our second year anniversary, he proposed. I must confess that I expected it. Reason being that he didn't tell someone who could keep it secret. His friend spilled the beans. ;)


It was that night I decided to give him the cookie. I believed it was due because first of all, I had a ring(which obviously meant he'll be my husband); secondly, the day was so romantic and I didn't want to ruin the ambiance with my virgin talk; and lastly, I felt he had waited enough and was worth having it.


Three weeks later, the result came out positive. Yes I was pregnant!! Did you see that coming? Silly me definitely didn't. Devastation, regret and sadness filled my soul. This was not the way I had planned it. I didn't want a love child. Why did it have to be me? Why did I fall into the 25% of the unlucky ones that get pregnant at first intercourse. I didn't tell him about it until a week later when he stormed into my office demanding for explanation. Apparently a fellow colleague had told him. He was hurt but that wasn't my concern at that moment. After ranting, he gave his verdict and said I must keep the baby. Oh well Mr. Intelligent, I didn't plan to abort it before your verdict so you really didn't make a point.


Before I could say J...ill, the news had spread. I can bet it circulated faster than the engagement news. Little did I realize the gravity of the heart-aching news that was going to come to my hearing few days after. I was attending to a female customer and she made mention of the fact that she knew my fiance. Of-course she started with the "nice pleasantry" of congratulating me on the pregnancy and engagement. I was taken aback by how she knew but I shrugged it off and listened to her juicy gist. Apparently, my supposed fiance had an affair with her and the relationship recently broke up days ago. (Adding 2+2, it was obvious that he broke up the relationship because of pregnant me). God bless my office because that was the only reason why I kept calm and didn't do something crazy that day. I was literally paralyzed from doing any other thing afterwards. The unknown lady also mentioned that they dated for a year and half and quietly told me to "make the choice" before leaving me with my thoughts..

Immediately working hours ended, I rushed to George's office to query him. He didn't deny it. Honestly, I can't remember the reasons he spilled out of his mouth but I definitely can remember that I called off the engagement that very moment. I was engaged to the human definition of a liar, cheater. That was the last time I saw George. I resigned the next day. It was too much to take in. He attempted but failed to get me back because I decided not to look back, not to fall back into the hands of a man who had the capability of cheating on me during our marriage. I was prepared to live with the consequences of the choice I made, giving someone that wasn't my husband,yet, my innocence.

My daughter is two years old now. Looking at her as I write this story, I really wish I didn't deny her the relationship she could have had with her father. But as you know, what's been done, is done. I don't know what's in the future for both of us but one thing I'm sure of, when she's of age, the first thing I'll let her know is how it's not right to make a decision out of the happy moment without pondering on it and asking yourself, "what's the worst that could happen?".

wow it's been errmm 14days since i blogged... LOL
yeah i know it's a short time but for me it's a very long time.
I said i would blog at least once a week so it's sorta strange that I didn't sign into my account for two weeks. Reason being that I allowed someone's opinion of my blog to bring me down. The individual said my blog's boring. It pained me coz the individual's my friend and even though i know he could be a die hard critic at times, i really didn't expect that comment. So i decided to hide under my shell and do away with blogging.I totally forgot about the numerous lovely comments my loyal readers told me. Imagine, one comment against many. Two days ago, I realized that this guy is definitely living his life and would have forgotten he said something of that sort to me but on my side, i'm still nursing the pain and hiding away from doing what I love doing. So that moment i decided i wasn't gonna continue crying over spilled milk and resume back to my favorite companion, blogging. So here I am, blogging again!! woohoo!! LOL. New story coming up in a bit.. i'm thinking I should post it tomorrow so it'ld be, you know, last post for 2011; DEC 31,2011. Meanwhile, if i get bored while studying, I'll just post it.

Thanks to those that genuinely love my blog. God go make you bigger!! LOL i just had to write that.

When the world's shut down
When the world's still
When the world's drowned
When the earth spills
But my heart still beats
Like a functioning drum
And a broken string
From an abandoned violin.

I sit in tears
Like a rock in an overflowing river
I'm waiting for someone to care
Even when I know there's no-one there.
No one willing
To dive into the depth of the mighty ocean
Blue and clear as it may be
I decided to take the leap
I could sense the fear of the unknown
Or should I say known?
From the only invisible companion I know,
My alter ego.

She's telling me to take a leap
Into the depth she's foreseen.
She knew it was dangerous
But yet she gave me assurance
With every ounce of fear,
That she will be there
When I need to call on someone dear.

Then I snapped back.
Remembered that it's just me.
I'm all alone.
Once again.
In a world where it rains pain,
All day
All week, all year
And the cycle goes
Again and Again.

Out of nowhere,
I gained company.
He was so precious I could look at him
All day and not complain.
He bore the same pain.
With no motive of gain,
We shared them.
That moment was when I realized
It was all I needed.

The river's dry
The ocean's shallow.
No more needs to cry
I see my halo,
Shining like the Sun.
The world's alive.
The world's moving.
That, that I say,
Was just a phase!

Dear God,

Sure you are wondering,
Pondering on what it is
I want to write about.
Well, I'm certain
that You are aware
Of my pains and hurt.
Times when tears gush out.
Like water from an angry fountain.
Times when I searched North and South
For someone, just anyone, to listen to me.
All these while, I seemed to scream
At souls and bodies that were deaf to my calling.

Raped at seven.
Introduced to a strange world at eleven.
What more could a less-than-a-teenager
Go through to make that even.
My parents could not hear me and
It seemed the world was shut down around me.
I did not know at that time that
My source of comfort would have been
The bread of Heaven.
I remained a dough without leaven.

Age twelve, I threaded on the path of homosexuality.
It seemed right then because of the environment I was in.
I wasn't aware of how bad it was due to my inability
To get acquainted with You.
This went on for years until i finally met You at twenty.
The experience.
(Silence)
I can't describe it but I can testify
That You turned my in-capabilities and iniquities
To wondrous and great blessings.

That was when I realized that the masculinity
I created for myself in replacement of the femininity
You gave to me,
Was the reason behind my infirmity.
I was weak in You physically,spiritually.
I had made myself feeble, voluntarily.
I let Satan use me, willingly.
He tricked and deceived me into thinking what
I was doing, was right.
But now all that has changed.
Living testimony that God does give people turning points.
The only thing is,
One can decide to accept it or not.

Twenty Eight now.
Living a good life
With God, husband and kids.
All I did was tell a story untold.
A story from an unspoken voice.

Moral of story:
Don't be deceived. Satan can use anyone of any age for his works.
God's the key.

I loved real, real hard once
But the love wasn't returned
Found out the man I'd do anything for
He wasn't even concerned
I tried, and I tried, and I tried
To keep him in my life
I cried, and I cried, and I cried
But I couldn't make it right
But I, I loved the young man
And if you've ever been in love,
Then you'd understand.

What you want might make you cry
What you need might pass you by
If you don't catch it
And what you need ironically,
Will turn out into what you want to be
If you just let it.

See, I thought this feeling
Was all that I had
But how could this be love
And make me feel so bad?
Gave up my power,
I existed for you
But whoever knew the voodoo you'd do?

I chose a road of passion and pain
Sacrificed too much and waited in vain
Gave up my power ceased being queen
Addicted to love like the drug of a friend

Torn and confused
Reached the crossroad which path would I choose
Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated
For something to happen that just wasn't fated
Thought what I wanted was something I needed
When mama said no I just should have heeded
Misled, I bled till the poison was gone
And out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn

Father you saved me and showed me that life
Was much more than being some foolish man's wife
Showed me that love was respect and devotion
Greater than planets, deeper than any oceans
My soul was weary but now it's replenished
Content because that part of my life is finished

I see him sometimes and the look in his eye
Is one of a man who's lost treasures untold
But my heart is gold, I took back my soul
And totally let my creator control
The life which was His to begin with

I used to love him but now I don't.

Out of boredom I decided to write this short post.

I've noticed that most people want to be known as rich and powerful. Everyone wants to show off their best belongings. Back in junior school, I can remember there was this particular girl that extremely loved showing off. Of-course it worked for her because it gave her popularity. She used to say a lot of things about how much her father owned and all those BS. Anyway, i'll spare you the long story and cut it as short as possible.

On a fateful visiting day, her parents came. I was fortunate on that day to see her family and when i mean her family i meant from a distance. My mum's car was parked about 10feet away from theirs so I could see them. First all, I'm not judging but dayum the car her parents brought was in no way compared to what she had bragged about. Trust me, i'm not saying my mother's car was way tusher because as at that time she was driving mazda 929. So don't get me wrong, I'm not comparing.

Anyway, when the visiting hours ended, I decided to ask her why her parents didn't bring their car. Well, she obviously didn't get the sarcasm behind the question and she gave the reply "what do you mean? that's my dad's first car" .. On hearing that, I decided to ask another question. "errm what happened to the jeep you talked about?". She replied "what jeep? no one owns a jeep in my house." Then and there, I knew she was up to no good. Her lies were so outrageous to the point where she forgot she had lied. She had built a façade that couldn't be self-contended with.

Thing is most people don't know that the more you try to go out of your way to be what you are not, the more problems will befall you. If you want to be seen as rich when you are only managing or extremely poor, be ready to lend money or whatever it could be to people who really need the money you don't have.

Cut your cloth according to your size. I'm sure we are familiar with that adage or rather idiom.

This morning I woke up feeling good because I knew I accomplished something yesterday. I studied well and twas great. Woke up quite early but trust now I just could not stand up from that soft bed of mine. Hours passed. Suddenly out of nowhere, I started day dreaming. I'm pretty sure you can guess right about what it was I day-dreamed of. Yurp. A guy.

He's that one person that seems to have brought smiles back to my face, the way they used to be. He's that one person that I definitely would not mind thinking about all day if it'll make me happy.

How we met is something I actually can't remember. I was on transfer to a new law school. Can't remember the first time I saw him but the second time was at the cafeteria. That day was practically hell. I had just finished an exam, stressed out and weary, I headed to the cafeteria for lunch. Oh I was greeted with a very long queue of starved students. I really was not ready to join that queue, so i decided to charm a guy if he'll let me stay in front of him.

I knew a guy would surely say yes so they could look good. So I tried my luck on this tall fellow. I knew I had seen him before but my memory failed me. I sha gave my cheesiest smile and asked if I could be given the chance to get my food before him. So yeah he allowed and that was how we became friends.

Weeks after weeks, the friendship grew. He's the type of guy that would make you laugh no matter what.No dulling moment with him. I liked that. Which girl wouldn't? But there was a little hitch. He always kept to himself. I wanted to know him better because oh well, a crush had developed. So I decided to take matters into my hands and ask people about him, all because i wanted the information he wouldn't give me.

How disappointed I was when I got to know that he had a girlfriend outside school. A very strong relationship that is. Anyway, I was happy for him sha but then that pinch of sadness couldn't help but stay with me for some time. As a strong girl, ahah yeah right, I let it go, the crush i mean and focused on a good friendship instead.

Semesters passed by and everything concerning our friendship went well. By the way I forgot to mention that he was ahead of me in school by 2 years . One day I got a disturbing call from him, he said he wanted to see me. As a concerned friend, I rushed out to his place because that was very rare. On getting there, I saw a shattered friend. It broke my heart. I had never seen him that way before. When i finally succeeded in cooling him down, he told me what was wrong. His girlfriend of 5years had broken up with him. I was speechless, was clueless on what to say. So i just decided that silence was the best therapy and been that it was late already, I decided to sleep over. Cuddled him to sleep and whispered sweet nothings so he wouldn't cry anymore.

Next morning, I made sure I was with him throughout! Attended his classes with him. He was in his final year and I'm sure left to him, he wouldn't have bothered to attend those classes. I knew how he felt and I wanted to be with him because when I got heart broken, no one was there for me and that was extremely lonely.

He got better weeks after and told me he had decided to let it go and focus on school first, no relationships. I accepted it that way and moved on with him too,hoping it was for the best. Little had I known that the crush I thought had died, just resurrected!


Part 2 soon...............thanks for reading. please share.

First of all, i'm not writing this to preach or anything of that sort but to pass a very strong message across to whoever might benefit from this.

The issue of smoking (either cigarettes or marijuana) has been on my mind for some weeks now. I've been doing a minor research on it and props to Google for helping out.

Last week, I had a conversation with a friend about sins not directly listed in the Bible, that some Christians are aware of and for those that aren't, should be aware of. Making a list of them all, smoking came up. I'm that sort of person that finds argument somewhat energy and time consuming and once i see a conversation heading in that direction, I back out but for some reasons unknown, I did not back out on the smoking argument and that led me to write this "short article".

Without looking at Biblical passages, someone who is not ignorant should be aware of the dangers of tobacco and nicotine(it's a poisonous substance in pure state) and the many long term diseases they cause in this day and age but the problem now is, many folks choose to be ignorant. They turn deaf and dumb to obvious things. They always want to live in the moment, the short term relief it gives them. Oh how soothing. Sad.

Most victims these days are the youths, and sadly teenagers. Little boys and girls that don't even know how to change diapers but somehow know how to smoke cigarettes and the likes. Satan has deceived them into thinking all those cruel lung diseases won't happen to them. Tobacco is very addictive and this little habit finally becomes so enslaving, it turns into a big monster and is very difficult to flee from without Christ because it eventually became a demon ruining their lives.

The Bible says "there's pleasure in sin for a season but in the end, we shall reap the result of that sin". The irony of it all is that companies producing them give warnings. I found this one (picture below) fascinating. Ignore the fact that I'm a medical student. If i didn't have any knowledge of what "clogging" is and I read "smoking causes heart attack and strokes", before I bother to check Google for the definition of "clog" , I'll flee from it. Why? Because I value my life and I won't endanger it mehn. I'll choose a good husband, wonderful marriage and beautiful kids (in short long life) over "Smoking kills". Anytime, anyday but still it baffles me how individuals ignore those warnings.

The Bible teaches us, as Christians that we are to be clean and holy, in spirit, soul and BODY! Yes, your physical body. It is the ultimate Temple of God and you are accountable to God for the condition of that body. If you choose to ruin God's temple by burning it down with a "paper roll containing nicotine and flame" , you'll be held accountable for the grave crime.

Someone can ask "so why did God make tobacco if it is harmful to humans?" . If a non-Christian asked me that, I'll forgive he/she for his/her Biblical perplexity. It is never God to be blamed for evil because tobacco has it's uses too. It can be used to kill fungi and insects. Satan always perverts the things in this world for evil use, while God has plans for them to bless mankind. If man would just spend time and research for the good use of tobacco, I believe he would discover some of it's healing properties.

For someone practising Christianity as a way of life, there should be no place for this evil habit in the individual's life. If you are reading this and you're in this trap, there is a way out if you sincerely want to be free. Tell God about your desire, open the door of your heart heavenward and the holy spirit will bring you both strength and victory.

IT WAS SHORT YEAH? THANKS FOR SPENDING SOME MINUTES TO READ. hope it blessed someone. back to my books.


Ref: Overcoming Life Digest

Here I am on one knee with a ruby ring in hand about to propose to the wonderful woman right in-front of me. I never thought i'll get to this point and getting to the point is making me shiver. Will she say yes or no?

[PAUSE]

Hi, I'm Ken; 35, 6ft3", handsome with the appropriate body build for that height. Well,call me vain but permit the male specie to be proud of what they have too.

Back in my youthful days, I used to be every girl's man, I had quite a number of girlfriends I actually wish I never had but then I'm glad I did because they gave me the experience every man needs in his lifetime.

After having a couple of girlfriends, I realized they weren't as serious about the relationship as I was. Majority of them were after my money. That is best possible way of summarizing my previous relationships until Pam came my way. Her luscious body, pretty face with turquoise blue eyes and sumptuous lips drove me crazy at first sight. We met at a bar. She was with a guy but after spending a couple of hours, I cornered her as she was leaving the female lavatory and gave her my business card.

I wasn't so sure she was gonna call but after 2 weeks, I was taken aback to hear her sweet voice over the phone. After numerous lovely dates, she became my girlfriend. Oh how happy I was when she said that resounding yes.!

Six months into the relationship, Pam's father, a Congressman, passed away and woes befell Pam and her family and the media people weren't helping. It was a very sad time because it affected our relationship. This tragedy really ate into us as a couple that after a year since her father died, we broke up. I was devastated. I thought she would be my wife. I had plans for the future. The plans that never came true.

The next two years of my life were outrageous. I was reduced to a low-life party animal with no regards for life and the girls I dated used my riches for their pleasure. Sooner than later, I realized i had gone bankrupt. I had squandered my late father's riches all because I was heartbroken.

After I realized I had gone bankrupt, I decided it was time to get things straight with my life and move forward. In my bid to sort out my bankruptcy was when I met Stacy,an accountant. She was in charge of my case and because of this I saw her often.

Her charisma and intelligent way of talking were what made me fall in love with her but there was a problem! She was engaged to be married to a well known business man and philanthropist in six months. This still didn't stop they way I felt about her.

Two months to her wedding, the media released pictures of her supposed husband-to-be with his wife! Oh yea apparently he was married. Till now I'm still wondering how she didn't know that he was married but according to him,he said they were planning their divorce. Lies I'm sure. At the end of the day,she called off the wedding. Who wouldn't?

I was so happy that my chance to finally tell her how I felt had come. Of course I took things slow because I wanted her to heal from the hurt and pains her ex-fiance caused her.

After a year, I managed to get back on my feet and all my debts got paid. By this time, Stacy and I had become very good friends and I can bet by that time she must have realized how deep head-over-heels I was for her.

I asked her out on her birthday and the overwhelming surprise of it all couldn't stop her from saying yes. It's been a lovely relationship for five years. Her birthday this year was what brought us to Bora Bora. I decided to use the opportunity to propose to this lovely woman I call my baby, my everything.

[PLAY]

Now that brings us back to now! The beautiful moment where a live band's playing a very sultry music in the background, my woman's all beautiful from head to toe in her green sequinned dress. Wow, speechless and proud that she's mine. Yeah she's mine because she said YES! (I knew it,lol) Looking forward to a lifetime of wonderful times and cherish-able moments with my wife-to-be.....

First kiss was awesome. It was something I would not have traded for anything in the world.
This is me telling my story.

Mum: Debola, you have to change your school. I don't like the distance between your school and Lagos. Now that you are done with your junior wassce, I think it's time to change schools. I found one for you at V.I. Next week, we will go there together and get your forms and every other thing needed.

Me: (shocked in disbelief) Mum,why are just telling me this? (Now crying helplessly) I did not get to tell my friends goodbye or tell them I was leaving never to come back. Why mum why? (Ran to my room still trying to figure out if i was dreaming or not)

That was how it all began. My mum changing my school, me leaving all my good friends behind in search for new people to trust and share my stories with.

First day in my new school was sad. I was not happy and for the fact that i hated being called a new student, I made just one new friend. Well,that was alright by me. Throughout my SS1, I was more of a snob than a cheerful person. Adjusting to a new environment(coming from a girls-only school to a mixed school) was not easy for me but i got used to it by the time I started SS2.

SS2 was when I started liking this particular boy,Matt. Honestly, I actually noticed him in SS1, but didn't take it serious, because he was cute,funny and handsome and girls were all over him and for that reason I was beginning to lose interest. I'm definately someone who wouldn't fight for a boy with another girl because at the end of the day all we are doing is to boost the boy's ego to an unbearable level.

In my bid to stop liking him, I made sure I didn't make eye contacts or have lil' convo's with him. Unknown to me until the end of 2nd term, I was informed by a friend of his that Matt actually liked me! Oh wow,i was so shocked and sort of happy at the same time. Regardless, I chose to do "strong girl" by not believing the gist or showing that I liked him too. Instead, I left it in fate's hand.

Anyway, at the end of SS2, I found myself being a close-friend to Matt. I still don't know how it happened but it did. The new-found friendship just re-kindled the likeness i tried to kill. Need I say that I had a boyfriend at this time but the relationship was not going good. We broke up during the summer break.

My last year in Senior School was a roller-coaster but then when the first term started, Matt finally asked me out and that was how our love-story CONTINUED! (yeah continued not "began"!)
The whole school knew us as a couple and it actually made me shy. Damn i loved this boy.I really did because it took us two years to finally start dating.

The relationship was innocent, full of wonderful memories,laughs,jokes,craziness and funny enough less fights. We rarely fought and thinking of it now, it still puzzles me.
We graduated and that was when we started to feel the pressure. We were in different states. I got admission into UNILAG while he got his into ABU,Zaria. I felt lonely most times because I was so used to being around my sweetheart. Even with the challenges, we still managed to continue the relationship.

In the first two years we were still innocent though..we had not kissed and all that ish. I remember telling my friends that I was definately gonna kiss him that Christmas break and I really did..He had marvelous soft lips and the first kiss was beautiful and heavenly (replaying the scene in my head.)

Three years and counting! Fights started creeping in like the devil's advocates. One break from school really did give us a break. As usual, we saw each other, but this meeting was different. He saw some messages on my phone (inbox that is NOT SENT messages) and zoomed off (without a bye!)from my house. Apparently, He assumed I was cheating on him and I really wasn't. As a babe (fine or ugly), guys will always,yeah always make passes at you. But I guess He didn't understand that. He stopped calling and sending messages or even replying mine.

Within those awful days was when I decided to visit him at his place. Shocked was I when I got greeted with sad faces. I stood still at the living room entrance trying to let the news I just heard sink in. I woke up the next day on a hospital bed. I lost him. I lost him. I lost him. Those were the only words i could utter.

It's really hard to accept that one has lost someone that was really loved. Armed robbers attacked his house the night he got killed. Thinking of how the bullet pierced his chest really hurts. They killed our love with that bullet. Just one bullet. Still not over it.

Our long story turned to a short story courtesy death.

I really loved you Matt and I never cheated on you.

From a broken heart.

That was my story.

It was an experience.
Still don't know what to call it.
While looking back,
I had the good and the bad.
It was through a social media.
That was how i met him.
It was like a release from a break.
The taste of freedom,how sweet!

I was finally happy to like someone.
He was charming in his own way.
He was less of the person
I would ever had considered dating.

All hail and glory,
I still fell into the little hole I never saw.
The fall was not painful,
It was indeed joyful.
It was a source of rebound.

It seemed too perfect
But I was happy it seemed so.
He did not classify as the Christian
I would have loved but that did not bother me.
The other me was still going strong spiritually
Until the day you have being expecting to read arrived.

I lost touch.
From minutes to hours,
Hours turned to days.
I still continued in my pursuit for "happiness"

Days turned to weeks,
I was still glad i had faith.
Weeks turned to months,
And the faith I had left started to diminish.
I began to doubt myself.

On the other hand,
We grew surprisingly stronger.
My friends could not believe it.
They wanted to know if it was still me,
And of-course I told them I'm still me.
I knew they did not believe
But I believed in LOVE.
Pardon,did i just mention love?
Sigh..Guess i did.

I still believe but opinions differ,
Beliefs change,so do feelings.
The feeling was so strong
Even if I made up my mind to put an end
I couldn't
I remembered why I liked him in the first place
I remembered why I chose him
I remembered d lovely memories
Which are to be cherished.
But now that I have me back,
Those memories are nothing to cherish.
In-fact,remembering them is sorrowful.
It's like remembering a dead friend!

Oh and so that day arrived,
I had out-done myself.
Got the happiness I was looking for.
The mistake I never thought I would make,
Was the one staring at me in the eyes.

Upon realization,
I began to cry.
I cried my eyes out to the only LOVE
I ever had and still have.
I begged for forgiveness.
He dearly answered
Even when I thought
He would not.
And then i remembered
I challenged myself in my thoughts
I failed woefully thinking it was easy
To stand in Christ(the best love you can have)
Because of the love He's shown me so far.

Now where is the guy that took me away
From my known Love?
He's no where to be found
But I know he is in the world.
And he will always be.
All you have to do is avoid him.
Flee when you see him
Because he does not wish you good.
Is he in you already?
What is that guilty-conscience-yielding thing you are doing?
That thing is a demon.
It will destroy you..
Cast it out right now.

All in all,
I really wish
I had looked through the opaque glass.
It seemed impossible back then
But with the help of LOVE(God),
I say right now,
IT IS POSSIBLE!

Look before you leap.
God bless.