Truth Be Told

I had a plan for 2016. Graduate in September, look for a Masters program to start by September/October as a means to stay busy while I process my job applications to the country I plan to move to, travel to a new country/city once a month, do better with my businesses, get better with my spiritual life before the end of the year and finally, grow with my partner. That was the plan until 2016 started to unfold in a different way.

The first half was a rollercoaster, things got extremely shaky and I didn't know then, that it was in preparation for the second half. Half of my plans went down the drain and all kinds of emotion took over. I wasn't as happy anymore, I yearned for a more spiritual life (for more on how I got this, read Journey Back To God) and everything around me just seemed uninteresting. I had to give up my relationships, friendships but through it all, I was hopeful that my turn around was coming soon. Thankfully, exams were going okay and at least the plan to graduate by September looked achievable.

The second half of the year started on a better note even though I still had no Msc admission or even have an application sent. I was optimistic and looked forward to celebrating with my folks. I created a brand name, started blogging regularly, became a frequent face in church and I was just happier with my life. Fast forward, I finally found and got enrolled in a post graduate school and I graduated from Medical school. Suddenly, the dreams I never had started unraveling.

A few of my close friends can testify to this when I say I never dreamt of a famous life. I was the type of child that believed living a quiet life equalled optimal security. I value peace and I live by it, all day all year. I wanted to be successful but the quiet type that will only give anonymous donations and be represented by someone else at an event. I never wanted to be at the fore front of anything. All these changed when God instructed me to email my story to news platforms the day after I passed my board exam. I deliberated on it and didn't even know what I will write in the email. I prayed about it and two days later, I sent an enquiry email. I was shocked when the three platforms I emailed responded almost immediately with the request to send in the story. Of the three, two people fulfilled their promises and published it exactly one week after my board exam. My story became a sensation, from shares to likes to requests to messages. I was overwhelmed (more about that here On Dr Dedun).

My folks couldn't make it for my graduation and I had to come to Nigeria just to visit them and have our own party (ahah we've not done that yet lol). I also had contacts with people I was supposed to meet, interview I was scheduled for and a conference I was supposed to be a delegate at. Those were my plans for my supposed short trip to Nigeria but lo and behold, God had better plans. All of those plans never happened and I was down. I had so much negative vibe around me I just wanted to leave Nigeria, go back to my cozy apartment and continue my life. In all of these, I kept telling God to take control as I had no energy left in me to accept another disappointment. I did not want to believe that Nigeria will always disappoint me so I confided in a friend who gave me some energy boost and I went back to the drawing board.

As I was scrolling on my Twitter feed, I saw a repost about a TV program and I clicked on it. The next day, the urge to email the producers of the show was too much for me that I just did it! As God would have it, this landed me my first TV interview ever with Ebony Life TV on their show, The Crunch. It aired yesterday and I will update the blog if it gets posted on Youtube. All the dreams I never had started coming to life. I became one of Jumia Food's ambassador, I'm becoming more popular, networking with great minds and getting calls left and centre for interviews and one more huge announcement coming very soon.

All of this is beginning to make sense to me. During the course of the year, I was confused about where I would move to and I asked God to direct my steps. He didn't give me any answer before and immediately after I graduated but all of a sudden, the answers are rolling in and I'm amazed. The point of this post is to let you know that truthfully, your dreams are valid but God's dreams for you are far better and as you are busy making your plans, don't forget to give God the chance to have His way. You will be blown away by how inconspicuous your dream is to His and that is exactly where I stand right now.

Once upon a time, I had the dream to be quietly successful with hidden influence on others but today, I am living the dream I never had because I let God take over. I have more influence on people, doing my quota to make the world a better place and living a better life than planned. What are you waiting for? Submit all to Him who owns your destiny. God bless you.

I'm sorry again that I've not been updating often on this blog but please follow my social media pages as my presence on them these days is something else. Instagram, Facebook and Twitter 

I will be interviewed live on The Woman on Nigeria Info 99.3 FM Lagos at 4pm today. You can listen on www.nigeriainfo.fm and click on the listen live link.

Thanks for all your support.

Love,

Dr Dedun

This TMNS topic was originally planned for last Saturday. My devotional was talking about envy and when I got on Instagram, I also saw a few posts about envy and I figured those were signs for me to talk about envy on the blog until my internet data decided to have a mind of it's own and ruined my parade. Back to the topic of discussion for the day, let's dissect Envy. 

I remember when I was younger, I had this book titled "Seven Deadly Sins". I can't remember the content fully but Envy, a.k.a covetousness, was one of the deadly sins. Envy can be a result of yearning for other's possessions or it can stir up chronic jealousy against someone. It's so easy to commit this sin especially when the person being envied is close to home e.g a friend, family member or partner. It can also be due to a case of "see finish syndrome" where one has seen the worst in the other person and doesn't believe something good can still come out of that person.

I've written so many times on how our individuality is centrally located in our mindset. Envy stems from the mindset and our mind controls us. When the mindset is conditioned to believe we don't have enough or we are doing poorly in life, discontentment takes over the throne and in return discontentment births envy. In some special cases, someone that seems to have it all can still be jealous of another. They get jealous of someone else not because of what that person has but because of how they got it (the easier way perhaps). Envy can blow into something as disastrous as suicide or depression if not taken care of the minute it rears it head. Before I write a long intro, I will briefly discuss how you can overcome envy. 

• Evaluate yourself: Honestly, this should be the first thing you should do anytime you find yourself deep in thoughts, wishing you had what someone else has (especially when it's from a jealousy angle) Find out why you feel that way and what you can do to stop your mind from wandering in that direction. 

• Count your blessings: For real, if you keep focusing on what you don't have, you will lose what you have. Counting your blessings will help you to focus on what you have, appreciating them and keeping them. 

• All fingers are not equal: My mother used to say it a lot when I was younger. I can't remember my mum ever mentioning if my mates leading my class have two heads. She never, not once, compared me to others and I'm forever grateful for that. We are all unique and everyone is in a different journey, some shorter, some longer. The goal at the end of the journey might be somewhat similar for some but it will always be a different approach to get that goal. Next time the thoughts of envy/jealousy cross your mind, remember your story has not ended.  You are not equal to your neighbor. 

• Always find a reason to celebrate: Make sure you celebrate any progress made, this helps to keep the focus on you. Have the mindset of celebration. Reward yourself, when you form this habit, you'd realize you look forward to accomplishing every goal that you now have little or no time to look over someone's grass. Still on celebration, rejoice with those that rejoice. Don't let your neighbor's success/celebration derail you from your own purpose. Celebrating with others is also a way of opening your arms to welcome your own celebration when it comes. 

• Eliminate gossips: Most times we don't even realize we care about another person's paths until it's brought up as a topic of discussion. After taking into account, the opinions of fellow gossipers, the seed of envy has been sown into your heart. Before you know it, the time you should have used to think of how to progress, you find your mind wandering to thoughts about  how he/she did it (so quick or so well) and end up comparing yourself to that person. You have to eliminate people that find time to talk ill about the success of others. People that deliberately sow the seed of jealousy should be gotten rid of immediately.

• Keep your core values and focus on those: I already have a topic on Core Values in my draft. I will talk about this point on that post but in a nutshell, stay grounded and disciplined with you in focus and no one else. 

• When all these fails, confide in someone that can help you: Trust me, there are cases of Chronic Jealousy that can be linked to organic cause. Some people can just be envious of others with no reasonable explanation, not because they lack or can't have what that person has. It will help if one doesn't keep this to oneself and discuss it with an experienced individual that can help deal with this bad trait.

Not so long ago I found this note where I had written a few sermons from church from ages ago. I read through it and I felt the content of today's post will benefit someone, I hope so. We've heard many times how the Holy Spirit works and the kind of gifts we can get when He's in us. I will outline them just as I wrote them when it was preached. 

Works of The Holy Spirit

• He convicts the world of sin, righteousness and judgement. If you have accepted the Lord as your Savior, you'll have the portion of the holy spirit with you always. Can you differentiate between your conscience and the holy spirit talking? This is a very important thing a believer should be able to differentiate. It was hard for me at first especially when both voices are saying something positive (e.g to take action but with different approach). The Holy Spirit won't give you the reasons why a situation is good or bad but your conscience will. The Holy spirit reminds you of that which is pure eg no lying, no cheating etc. (the Lord's commandments)

• He guides us into all truth (John 16:13) The Holy Spirit hears from God yeah? true. So when he hears, he comes to tell us right there and then (for those who have the word of God in their hearts). The Holy spirit can never speak that which is not of God. He will never guide us in any way contrary to God's will.

• He re-generates us so we can have a new origin. For example, when you want to use a pot but it's dirty. what do you do? you definitely clean it up inside-out so you can put something fresh in it. That is exactly what the holy spirit does with us

• He's willing to lead us. We should walk in the spirit so the flesh won't control us and the Holy spirit can lead us. (Gal 5:16-17)

• He sanctifies. The holy spirit is given to us so we can be holy, that is sanctification. It comes with being conformed to Christ. When you've been sanctified, your life would be transformed and the Glory of God shall shine through you.

• He fills us (Ephesians 5:18)

• He makes intercessions for us (Romans 8:26 -"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans"

• He gives us special supernatural gifts. We need to desire the power and anointing of God which only the Holy spirit can give. there's a catch! You can be born again and still not have the anointing. Why? Because you need to be baptized in the Spirit of the Lord Almighty. Get born-again, get baptized and the power and anointing of God would be yours.

Gifts of the Holy Spirit

As christians we need to be equipped so that when God wants to use us, He can readily do that. These gifts that we get cannot be earned but are given by God, unmerited although we can desire and seek after the gifts.  These gifts are: 

• Wisdom through the Spirit. Wisdom is an insight. 1 Kings 4:34 

• Word of knowledge: The Holy spirit gives you the knowledge to know the truth about something you wouldn't have had an ability to know with your 'plain' intelligence. 

• Faith: It means to be persuaded. Faith is an evidence of things not seen. The fact that you go through things, where there's a negative action for what you believe God for, but still believe knowing that God will do it when He says He will. I have a full post dedicated to Faith here. 

• Healing: It encompasses all kinds of healing(spiritual, financial, academics etc) we have been given that the moment we became christians. 

• Miracles: They are super-natural acts. 

• Prophecy: A divine power of fore-telling. You have the ability to speak of things that are yet to come and speak things into existence. 

• Discerning Spirits: The distinguishing of spirits. Yo can see demons through people's eyes, smell them or feel their presence. Discerning of angels: 1 John 1:1-4. 

All these gifts are given as the Spirit desires and they are for the benefit of the house of God, not for selfish reasons but for the growth of you and the church.

I won't lie to you guys, I've not been in the best of moods since I got back from my trip. I wish I knew why but let's blame hormones, I really pray I'm not like this when I'm pregnant because I hate this mood. So I know I missed yesterday's post, I actually wanted to write something and it was in the line of canceling the Guest Post slot for Mondays. I thought about it again and didn't put anything up so I don't sound like a broken record always apologizing. Hopefully this will be the last time I will apologize for not posting anything when I know you, my awesome readers, are expecting it. That brings me to this topic.

During the course of last week, it's been a hassle getting a Guest Writer and to be honest, that's the reason I want to cancel or suspend the slot. It's also a favorite column of mine but I mean, if I'm always disappointed by people I've reach out to, what's the point? I patiently waited for the writer that finally said I will get it by a particular time yesterday. What if I told you, I'm still waiting for that time even though it's already Tuesday? Once I saw the day was almost over, I just accepted my loss and in turn meant I also disappointed you guys, I'm sorry again.

It's very easy to be angry when we get disappointed but it's also very okay to be angry at the person that disappointed you. The most important thing is how you handle that anger. I'm always one to keep my annoyance in and be mute but these days, I've been letting it out and it feels great. If you are on my personal Facebook and was able to catch my spastic episode when my folks were denied visa for my grad, you'd know exactly how I handled that. I cried for some hours, wiped my tears and continued my day. Anyway, these are my steps for accepting disappointments..

• Don't keep the anger in: My close friends already know I don't talk when I'm annoyed. Sometimes it's good when you know you will say something you can't take back but in the long run, keeping it in hurts you more. When you finally let it out, it will be more hurtful on the person that disappointed you. This point, for me, is something I'm still working on, I think the only time I'm vocal about my disappointments is when I'm in a relationship. So vent, rant etc, just let it out and accept it. It will be overwhelming but will definitely help to accept the disappointment faster. 

• Now that the anger is out of the way, ask questions. Try to get answers to why the disappointment came about. Maybe then you will be able to understand why you were disappointed in the first place. 

• Do more, expect less: Most times we are disappointed when people we've done so much for do less for us. That is why we have to lower our expectations. Trust me, this will save you from future disappointments. I'm not saying you should belittle people but expect that they are human and can definitely fall short of whatever they promise. If your mindset is locked in that way, when the disappointment eventually comes, you'd be less angry about it because you had an inkling it will happen. Someone once asked me how I can let people go easily and my response was, "I already prepared my mind for it." Honestly, that's just who I am, after facing disappointments from an early age (I told my seminar guests the story behind it), it will be easier to accept and let it/people go as you grow older. It might sound like I always see the negatives, which is true by the way, but I focus on the positives knowing that the negatives will definitely show their horns some day. I don't live in a cloud of "bad will never happen" because it will. 

• Don't forget: It's okay to give numerous chances but remember that giving the same chance, with the same condition, will only result to the same disappointment. Learn your lessons and don't forget them. 

• Just because you'd do it this way doesn't mean the other person would do it that same way. When you have that in your mind, you won't get easily disappointed when someone doesn't do something your own way. (2+2 = 4 so is 1+3 = 4) Be flexible to other's approach. 

Back at it with TMNS, I've had this in my draft for over a year! Can you believe that? As much as this post is for my readers, I'm also writing it for me. So many times we struggle with solving a problem, eventually give up and adjust to it. The ideal scenario is to eliminate the problem and over time, I've come to realize that some things are better tackled with immediate effect than stalling. Have you ever had a problem you tried to solve and when it got impossible to solve, you didn't give up per say, but procrastinated the time you'd devote to solving the said problem? I should actually write a post on procrastination but first, let's talk about this current topic, Solving a Problem. They say the first step to solving a problem is to identify the problem but they did not give the remaining steps *insert angry face*

A problem is something that brings you discomfort/worry, and yes it could be someone too.  The quickest way to solve a problem is to cut the problem from you but quick is relative. An example of a problem for me will be overthinking. Before I continue, if your problem is an addiction, please read this Ask Dedun post, Overcoming an Addiction. Over thinking usually complicates the simplest thoughts and in return, creates a problem. How am I tackling it?

• First thing I did was to accept that I overthink. Most times we are in denial of the problems we are currently facing and instead of accepting them, we turn blind eyes and act like they aren't present. Sometimes it's hard to accept the presence of some difficulties in our lives. It will help if you accept the problem because it's only when you accept that you'd be able to take measures to solve it. 

• How and why did it become a problem? I realized it became a problem when instead of acting on the issue at hand, I contemplate for centuries, how to go about it. Wasting so much time to solve an issue will eventually become a bigger problem and the cycle continues. You continue to think of ways to solve it instead of going right in to solve it. 

• Create realistic plan to solve the problem: Honestly, you might be thinking how do you create a plan to solve a problem like overthinking? Well, my realistic plan is to always handle a problem as an urgent thing to take care of. These days, I rarely overthink even though once in a while, when I'm bored, I sink into my thoughts but most times, I avoid wasting time to think. Once you think of all your problems as something that needs to be solved urgently, it helps by not giving it more time to cause more damage. So yes, if your problem is a human being, solve it urgently before sh** hits the fan and if it's a radical approach, cut the person off and save yourself the headache. 

• Act on the plan: I already mentioned in the above point how to act on a plan. You have to take action to solve a problem. Your plan will only sit in your head if you don't act on it. I know sometimes acting on a plan can be hard but if the radical approach is too sudden for you, wean yourself off the problem slowly and eventually, you will be done with it. 

• Avoid the re-occurence of the same problem: What's the point of solving a problem if you are still going to make the same mistakes that will lead to the same problem you already solved? Make conscious effort to avoid that same problem. If you know a particular way you do things only lead to creation of problems, avoid that route and try another way. 

• And just like an addiction, you have to be accountable to yourself: Before you also become a problem (especially with the way you handle things), evaluate and stay accountable to yourself. If you don't keep track of your problems and how you've solved some in the past, you won't remember how to solve a similar problem if it ever arises. 

A lot of us sometimes don't know we do this but subconsciously, we crave for words of affirmation from others, especially from people that don't understand us and our journey. At my event, I talked about habits and seeking people's approval is one of the bad habits common amongst young people.

There was a particular time I needed to do something important but I wasn't sure if it was the right way to do it. So I thought to myself, let me tell a couple of people about it to seek their approval or dismissal. It turned out that the three people I asked, dismissed it and gave more negatives than positives. Like a rebellious soul that I am, I stuck with my guns and went ahead. Safe to say I wouldn't be here now if I had depended on their approval.

The dangers of waiting for approval is that it restricts your growth. It is your responsibility to always try and fail, not someone else's. Why? To avoid the blame game and to learn from your own mistakes. Most times we seek approval because

• You don't trust yourself and your instincts
• You believe people cheering you will make you and your plan better
• You rely so much on other's words even when they are not true.  and so much more

Another way of seeking approval is doing something just because of compliments. You spend so much money trying to look good because you want someone to say you dress well. I will tell you now that if you are part of that percentage that spend recklessly on material things to fish out compliments from others, you do so because you don't know how good you look regardless of the material things. You rely on material things and compliments to make you feel better about yourself. Still on compliments, you are always scared to reject something or someone because of what the person/others will say about you. So you go out of your way to impress even when it's uncomfortable or when it doesn't make sense.

It is also common with people that want to get attention especially with the tag that they always have the latest gist. In the course of wanting the tag and attention, they run their mouths with vile rumors and ridiculous stories about another person just for the sake of getting high fives from people that don't matter. They sleep better at night because someone called them the gist carrier or feel accomplished when they are the first person people run to for the latest news about something/someone.

I've just mentioned a few examples but there's an extensive list of common seeking approval behaviors. It's important to know that in the long run, the only person getting damaged and redundant is you. The people you are waiting for approvals from are still living their lives regardless of whatever it is you are going through. They deposit their opinions/compliments and leave you to it. It is your job to determine what to do with it and like I said before, whatever the outcome is, it is on you. So when you get broke trying to impress, it's your fault. When you didn't actualize an idea people told you not to and the same idea gets big for someone else, it is your fault. When people hate you for always spreading lies about others, you brought it upon yourself. When every other person you need a yes from but said no, move on and you are still at the same point because you craved for their yes, it's on you.

What am I trying to say? Nobody can make you a winner except you, and likewise nobody can make you a loser except you. You can either live like a winner you've been created to be or wait on people's approval and be a loser that you are not supposed to be. You are the only one that will live your life so why not stick to your own values and opinions instead of relying on others? Unleash your greatness and don't stay in a box because someone has not told you to come out. Don't wait for compliments before doing good, don't wait for approvals before making that great decision for yourself. Stay true to your values and live freely, for yourself and no one else. Don't compromise yourself for another's opinion. Seeking approvals give a negative effect on the seeker and don't let that seeker be you. 

Always remember that regardless of anything, people will always have something to say, especially when you do good so continue to do you.

Share, comment and subscribe.

Love,
Dedun

Woke up this morning thinking of what today's TMNS topic will be. Checked my email then saw this mail I got from the creator of the 10 Day Blog challenge I partook in. Imagine me scrolling down to see my name on the list of winners! Ah are you kidding me? I won something? That has never happened to me mainly because I don't even subscribe to giveaways or play lotto in the first place. The challenge was something new for me and I didn't partake for any win. I did it because I wanted more content on the blog and to see if blogging twice daily will grow the blog.

If you followed the challenge on my blog, you would notice I stopped and didn't post anything from day 6-9. Day 5  was tough for me because of my state of mind and I remember writing that I posted because I needed to stay committed to the challenge. Nobody put a gun to my head to subscribe to it so I owed it to myself not to give up. Now imagine, next couple of days were tougher. Apart from me busy with Graduation day plans, I was just not in the mood to carry my laptop and check the blog. It would have been very easy for me to give up after missing four days of the challenge but you know what I did? On the 10th day, I made up for all the days missed and finished right on time on the final day! Wow! I was crazy to write six (including the daily blog post) posts in one day but this story right here is an example of "NEVER GIVE UP".

If I had accepted defeat and complained about how stressful it will be to write six posts in one day, my name would not be on that list in the picture above. One thing about a journey is that it can happen in the time you planned or in a longer time but the time should never ever determine your will to continue the journey. Be determined for your own sake not because your clock is ticking and you have to be successful at a particular age. It's already enough pressure to partake in a journey now compared to adding extra pressure of time. If you end up not finishing the journey at the allocated time, you will give up and not push on. I would spare you the famous quote of "quitters never win and winners never quit" which is 100% true but instead leave you with this quote
"If you quit, you will start over"

I believe the fear of starting all over will keep that will fired up for your sake. Another story of when I could have quit was when I started Dedun's Cakes. I was overwhelmed with the orders and struggled to keep up. Unfortunately, I got "support" from people advising me to quit it if it's affecting school. You just know Facebook is my online journal and most used social media platform. I was on the verge of writing the demise of Dedun's Cakes until the night before, I thought "if my mum can do a lot of things at once, I can too" I channeled the energy my mum had in her younger years and got up on my feet. You know the status I put out instead? I wrote about a giveaway so more orders can come in. Since then, thoughts of quitting never crossed my mind.

When you feel like quitting, challenge yourself and go back to the basics of why you wanted to partake in the journey. Stay committed is what I always preach about. On another blog post, I will really expatiate on things one can do to avoid quitting.

Love,
Dedun

On Friday when all my hopes got shattered with just one phone call, I started asking God why and all that jazz we always ask Him when we are disappointed. Fast forward to Saturday, I was about to mutter an "if" prayer and the Holy spirit just told me to stop it. Then wise nuggets started dropping. Let me write them just as they were dropped.

• Why are you giving God a condition?
• Do you know how to tell the difference between God's answered prayer and otherwise?
• Do you know satan is also listening to the prayer? 
• Are you truly mentally ready for the answer to that prayer?

I will give a vivid example of a past relationship I was in. I dated this guy for a few months and when I broke up, I closed that door. Months later, said ex came back and wanted another try. I've never re-dated an ex but I found myself wanting to date him again. So along the way of getting to know each other again, I prayed to God that "IF this guy is for me, let all our plans work"..

1. Our plans were actually working out and I felt this was an answered prayer. I'm not wasting my time with this guy, I thought. 
2. I started accepting rubbish because I thought they were things one would go through in a relationship. After all, he's my answered prayer right? He's the one for me.
3. I stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship regardless. 
4. I knew all these things were wrong but I was strong to believe God definitely answered my if prayer because the condition I gave was visibly working out. 
5. Months passed and I was still claiming relationship regardless until my eyes opened and I realized how foolish I've been. I was lucky enough to break it off that instant. 

Now let me go back to the first 4 points I wrote above.

• Why are you giving God condition over your life when He knows you better than you know yourself? He already has a plan for you and the only way that won't actualize is if you let Him go. He doesn't need any condition because He controls conditions. He doesn't need any help  whatsoever from you to complete His plans. He has set it out and regardless of any condition you give, it will still pan out the way He wants it. 

• Are you spiritually sound to know when God has answered your prayer? As at when I made this prayer, I was not spiritually up there to know if it was God answering my prayer or the devil. The devil clings on conditions, he will go beyond every means to make your condition happen so that it will blind your judgement and make you let go of your boundaries because the condition you gave has been answered. 

• Satan listens, he hears. Satan is lurking around but the angels surrounding you are the ones not letting him in. When you mutter any prayer, he runs with it and start looking for ways to gold-plate that prayer and make it look like real gold. Before you mutter a prayer you know satan will look to work on, remember he is also listening. Don't give out conditional prayers but rather let God know you will accept His will in every aspect of your life. Now satan can't alter God's will so there's nothing he can do about that prayer. 

• Now let's imagine, God wants to answer that prayer. Are you ready for the answer? In the example I gave, what if the answer was "He's not the one for you" and all our plans didn't work out, wouldn't I be shattered? I already wanted the answer to be affirmative because I already accepted the idea of getting back with him. The prayers were not answered, I just wrapped my head around a delusional answered prayer. 

The tongue is the most poisonous thing. Sure you are wondering why I am calling God's creation poisonous, well the tongue is not poisonous except you make it so. That is where the gift of choice comes in. God has given us the gift to choose between good and evil. The tongue becomes extremely poisonous when you choose to use it for "bad-will". The source of what we say with it is always from the heart. If you are bitter down there, you tend to always say ridiculous and mean things with your tongue. You find it hard to say good things because you feel nobody deserves it at that particular moment of bitterness. You become aggressive and curse out everyone and everything that made you to be in that position of sadness. 

We all have elements of gossips in us. It is unleashed when in a kind of gathering that condones gossiping. I've been there, done that and the outcome is never good. I've always had it in the back of my head that if I can gossip about someone, anybody can gossip about me too. You get what you give out and of course there's that percentage of whether you are a gossip or not, you will still be gossiped about. It's just how life is. So don't have that mentality of "ehn, whether I gossip or not, won't they still talk about me? Might as well speak my mind" Who are the 'they'?   Don't give meaning to the 'they' because when you start thinking about 'they', they will surely appear in your life and make it miserable. The earlier you dissociate yourself from potential 'theys', the better for your sanity. Potential/Ripe theys are those that find any reason to talk about someone else in a demeaning and condescending manner regardless of the purpose of the gathering. It could be at a celebration, study group or even bible study (wonders!).  

As Christians, when we are down, sad and "lifeless" we ought to praise God. Praising God confuses the enemy and it makes God happy. So instead of speaking evil and bad things with our tongues, let's use them to worship God. At the end of the day, you'll end up chasing bitterness away and in return you don't say things you'd regret. I remember quite recently, I heard what someone said about me and I was so mad, thank God for Dedun that is closer to God now because I either would have kept quiet or called the individual to repeat what he/she said but thankfully, I just got on my knees and prayed that this fury will pass over me and it did. I don't have any bad blood in me towards that person and that's the way it should be. 

We can't overcome the anger that boils in us when we hear rumors about us so it's just practical to run to God in prayer, prayer works. Don't dwell on it for way too long. Rebuke every word said with the blood of Jesus Christ immediately. Dwelling on it is like passing chicken pox from one person to another. The person passed bitterness to you and thus, you end up bitter and pass it on to someone else with your tongue. 

From this moment onwards, wish your neighbor good things even when they wish you bad, proclaim good and wondrous things to your life. Don't let the devil ruin you with your tongue, don't let him pull you down because you are meant to be on top! Don't join the bad "gangs" of gossips, they will always make you watch your backs. Once you notice you are in that kind of gathering, if you can't run, don't contribute because if you do, everything said can be traced back to you and those people won't be there to defend you. Lastly, choose your friends wisely. Pass the message on to someone today. God bless you!

Love,
Dedun

Today when I logged on the blog, I started typing something else then this topic just laid in my heart and I had to cancel what I wrote. Dry bones.. What comes to your mind when you hear dry bones? Last night, I was so tired because it was a really long and busy day for me. I had dinner at 12.30am and I just dumped the plate on the table beside me. When I started typing the post I cancelled, I turned to my table and saw the plate. The bones of the chicken I was too tired to crush and chew laid there in the plate, dry and cracked. I just said no, there must be a reason why "dry bones" has been laid in my heart so I opened my bible to Ezekiel 37, where we have the valley of dry bones from Verse 1 - 14.

Summary of these verses is that God gave Ezekiel the authority to prophesy into the dry bones to come back to life but there was a process to it.

1. Prophesy: If God wanted to make things quick, He could have just told the dry bones to come back to life with just one word. But He knew that men like to understand a process before they can believe and moreover, we learn more from lessons right? There was a lesson to this. Sometimes, like the children of Israel, we Christians wallow in self pity and say God has abandoned us when in truth, He has given us authority to command and bring life back and just waiting for you to perform what He has taught you in His word. Are we tapping into that authority? 
2. A force (the rattling sound and noise): Verse 7. Even after prophesying, nature has to take it's course and obey your command too. You need a force to work for you in the process. 
3. Layer by layer assembly: Verse 8. It started with the tendons, then muscle then skin. It was a beautiful process to behold. 
4. Another Prophesy: Now that it looks like everything is ready, there's still one more step. You are to take that last step of breathing new life into what you just created. 
5. Life: It can live again.
6. Where there's life, there's hope: The new life has another chance. To revisit old mistakes and not repeat them again. To hope for a better journey and ending. 

Relating it to us, there are a lot of things in our lives that died unexpectedly, prematurely etc but do you know that they have another chance? Perhaps it could be your walk with God that died when you experienced something traumatic. You wanted God to show up for you so badly but He didn't, so you gave up on Him. Do you also know that as believers of the word, we have been given authority over the world, over the devil and his schemes and God is just, ever patiently, waiting for us to make the move so He can help us? He's waiting for us to rise and stamp our feet down against the devil. He's waiting for you to tap and use the anointing He bestowed upon you when you gave your life to Him.

I want us to know that there's a process to rejuvenation. Yes, sometimes instantaneous miracles do happen but even in that miracle there was a process. From your faith having a role, to the command that caused the miracle and the forces that joined to perform the miracle. It's all a process. Remember, God is not friends with a lazy man,a lazy man than can't carry his bible to know and worship God but yet thinks he can command life to dry bones without preparation. You can curse Him and say He abandoned you in your trying times but did you find Him in His word? He is always there. He just wants you to meet Him where He promised to be always, the Holy Bible.

To you my dear reader, don't convince yourself that your situation is irreversible. My God that performs wonders and miracles just wants you to exercise your faith and prophesy with His word. We should not be like the Israelites that said ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’  Even when we abandon Him, He doesn't cut us off so don't believe that you have no hope or that your bones are dried because in God's sight, everything has life. Your perspective determines your reality. I can only pray that we put to good use the authority we have over situation in our lives. Let every dry bone rise and live again!

Love,
Dedun

Today, I'm dedicating TMNS to the New College/Uni Students. First of all, Congratulations on your admission. I'm sure you fought a great fight to secure that coveted position at your new University. Congrats again but I hate to tell you that the fight just begun. My memories of the College life are still as fresh as my certificate and before they disintegrate into the far distance, I would like to share a few important lessons with you.

A Dear friend took her time to write a post some months ago and it pretty much touched everything I would like to say today. You can find that here. Please make sure you open that post because it has EVERYTHING you need to know about Uni life. I don't want to repeat the same thing here. Nevertheless, my focus is on the Education you got admission for and a bit on Relationships and Friendships.

You see, one thing about Uni life is that it is never as it seems. One person might tell you their experience but yours will definitely be different. Make it a memorable and not a regretful one. To make this easier for you to read, I will break it down in points.

• Don't forget the primary reason why you are in school is to get your degree. Sometimes we get carried away with free time and spend it foolishly, doing unnecessary things. I am not saying you should not create time to relax but make sure you are glued to your studies from Day 1. You might get laughed at and insulted for being too serious but remember that "the end justifies the means." It's better to be laughed at now than to tell your parents/sponsors you are repeating a year and when they ask why, you blame your professors. Don't let that be you. 

• When it's difficult to study, ask your friends to carry you along. Don't be a loner while studying, it helps to study with others who are also goal-getters like you. They can explain what you find difficult to understand and you can help them too. 

• I won't lie to you that you will never fail a course after you implement the above points but I will like to encourage you not to give up whenever you fail. The amount of preparation is not always directly proportional to the best grade. Most times, we give up when our endless preparations yield nothing. It's disheartening but trust me it is not the end of the world. Many people before you have failed but the greatest of them picked themselves up and pushed way harder than the previous time and triumphed.

• Still related to the above point, I've come to realize that this life is a life of chances. You kill yourself and work hard for something and you get a rubbish result but someone else around you that labored lightly for the same thing got a better result. This is where I will like to tell you to focus on yourself! Don't look at your neighbor's lawn to determine your growth and effort. There will come a time where you will also have it easier than the next person, don't forget. 

• Don't disappoint yourself. Build yourself up now so that you can look back in your later years and be thankful you did not slack on yourself. Take nothing for granted and that relates to a supposedly easy course, lectures, a nice professor, study time, friends and of course your me-time. 

• Peer pressure and influence is very real. Stand on your ground from the get go. If you know a particular lifestyle is definitely out of your league and you know it's bad for you, RUN! STAY WAY! You will not regret that decision. 

• On gossips and rumors, even when you stay on your lane and focus on you, people will still talk about you. It's part of life and very inevitable. So please, keep staying in your lane!. 

• Someone that used to be a friend said to me "Who do you think you are?" and I was not shocked. In fact, I laughed and shook my head without giving a reply. That is what having a thick skin is about. People will insult you (yes supposed friends too) and say worse things about you, but if you want to be great in life, you have to put your Unlooking game on a 100. No, don't absorb the insult but ignore and unlook. Don't respond to ill comments because that is the response they want from you. Don't indulge "they" (*Dj Khaleed's voice*)

• On Relationships, don't let this derail you from your main goal. That fine student in your group should not distract you on your main objective. Leave relationships for when you are ready. Anytime you feel "yes I'm ready for a relationship", make sure you read my post on Relationships in Uni before you delve into one. Ask yourself if it's important to dedicate your full time into a relationship. Remember that it will definitely steal away some time you could have put into your studies and growth. 

• When you do decide to get into a relationship, make sure it is with a sensible and goal getter individual just like you. Forget talks that opposites attract, it's more of a collision which is a disaster. Get you someone that you can be a better version of yourself with and one who understands that the books come first!

• Lastly, trust no one but yourself and your God! Don't depend on friends for they can fail you but keep the good ones close for support.