A lot of us sometimes don't know we do this but subconsciously, we crave for words of affirmation from others, especially from people that don't understand us and our journey. At my event, I talked about habits and seeking people's approval is one of the bad habits common amongst young people.

There was a particular time I needed to do something important but I wasn't sure if it was the right way to do it. So I thought to myself, let me tell a couple of people about it to seek their approval or dismissal. It turned out that the three people I asked, dismissed it and gave more negatives than positives. Like a rebellious soul that I am, I stuck with my guns and went ahead. Safe to say I wouldn't be here now if I had depended on their approval.

The dangers of waiting for approval is that it restricts your growth. It is your responsibility to always try and fail, not someone else's. Why? To avoid the blame game and to learn from your own mistakes. Most times we seek approval because

• You don't trust yourself and your instincts
• You believe people cheering you will make you and your plan better
• You rely so much on other's words even when they are not true.  and so much more

Another way of seeking approval is doing something just because of compliments. You spend so much money trying to look good because you want someone to say you dress well. I will tell you now that if you are part of that percentage that spend recklessly on material things to fish out compliments from others, you do so because you don't know how good you look regardless of the material things. You rely on material things and compliments to make you feel better about yourself. Still on compliments, you are always scared to reject something or someone because of what the person/others will say about you. So you go out of your way to impress even when it's uncomfortable or when it doesn't make sense.

It is also common with people that want to get attention especially with the tag that they always have the latest gist. In the course of wanting the tag and attention, they run their mouths with vile rumors and ridiculous stories about another person just for the sake of getting high fives from people that don't matter. They sleep better at night because someone called them the gist carrier or feel accomplished when they are the first person people run to for the latest news about something/someone.

I've just mentioned a few examples but there's an extensive list of common seeking approval behaviors. It's important to know that in the long run, the only person getting damaged and redundant is you. The people you are waiting for approvals from are still living their lives regardless of whatever it is you are going through. They deposit their opinions/compliments and leave you to it. It is your job to determine what to do with it and like I said before, whatever the outcome is, it is on you. So when you get broke trying to impress, it's your fault. When you didn't actualize an idea people told you not to and the same idea gets big for someone else, it is your fault. When people hate you for always spreading lies about others, you brought it upon yourself. When every other person you need a yes from but said no, move on and you are still at the same point because you craved for their yes, it's on you.

What am I trying to say? Nobody can make you a winner except you, and likewise nobody can make you a loser except you. You can either live like a winner you've been created to be or wait on people's approval and be a loser that you are not supposed to be. You are the only one that will live your life so why not stick to your own values and opinions instead of relying on others? Unleash your greatness and don't stay in a box because someone has not told you to come out. Don't wait for compliments before doing good, don't wait for approvals before making that great decision for yourself. Stay true to your values and live freely, for yourself and no one else. Don't compromise yourself for another's opinion. Seeking approvals give a negative effect on the seeker and don't let that seeker be you. 

Always remember that regardless of anything, people will always have something to say, especially when you do good so continue to do you.

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Love,
Dedun