"Actually, I just woke up and decided I didn't want to feel that way anymore or ever again, so I changed. Just like that. 

That was basically what happened to me. I woke up one day, felt miserable, counted how many times I've invested and lost and from that moment I told myself I'm not investing to lose ever again. I didn't like how I felt and I made the choice to never invest dangerously again. If you notice, decided/choice, feel and changed are all highlighted. Those are the key elements to your emotional investments. 

How you feel will determine your growth, and if you don't see any growth when in that emotional phase, you have to make that choice to change how you feel. I mentioned earlier how the people we love can hold us back and of course that also includes family. Sometimes, we make important decisions with our hearts, putting into consideration the people we love. As much as that is thoughtful, we have to make those decisions with our brains especially when it involves your growth. 

I will give you an example of one time I started planning my life around a relationship (lol yes a relationship example because it's quite easy for we youngins to do that). Honestly, it's not a bad idea to plan around your serious relationship if you both know marriage is the goal for you guys and that was my case but my problem was I didn't want to move to that particular country. Regardless, I was still planning my life around it, trying to convince myself that I'm just being paranoid about the country. My previous plans got thrown in the bin because I was in love LOL! Now look at it, after planning for life in a country I don't like, the relationship is no where to be found and it's back to square one. The previous plan that was ruffled up and binned is back in play for me and that's just how life is. 

Another example was when my Mum advised me to get a form for a particular University in Nigeria. I knew deep down I won't grow to my full potential if I stayed back. I tried to make her understand but she wasn't having it until I decided to be rebellious and look for alternatives for myself and that's how I landed in Debrecen. I don't know what God would have had in store for me if I stayed in Nigeria but the growth I've achieved outside Nigeria is exactly what I envisioned for myself. Sometimes being rebellious and sticking to your guns can bring tremendous growth that will even be greater than you imagined. 

What am I trying to say? When making plans for YOUR GROWTH, please consider yourself first. After all it's your growth right? If it means sacrificing the opinions of the ones you love or compromising on the people you love, as far as the end result will make you grow positively, please do it. Eventually things would align and their opinions or love for you will also adjust with it. You really do not want to stay redundant because you put others' opinions before yours. Your growth is too important for that big sacrifice. (Side note: I wrote about relationships here 10 Signs You Are in A Good Relationship )

As most of my readers are students, please permit me to throw this in. Your priority now should be your educational growth. If the person you like (friend, partner) is pulling you down, please break that chain and continue going up. Of course, you can try by pulling them up with you but if the stress is too much for you, it's best you let them go before you go down with them. Please read these previous posts:

It's also note worthy to mention that your bad emotions like anger, fear, hatred etc are also investments. If you choose to invest these in someone that could possibly be your helper, you've got yourself a bad investment. Even if the person is not your helper, these bad emotional investments will also hinder your growth. Live freely with everyone, let go of the fear in you and the hatred/anger towards the person that offended you and give your growth a wide space to thrive. 

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Love,

Dedun