Long Distance Relationships
2:24:00 PM
I remember mentioning in a post that I'm probably a queen of long distance relationships (aka LDR). Since I started Uni and I noticed how relationships in Uni are, I said to myself "Na bruv this close proximity of a thing is not for you Dedun" I feel if we are too close, there's room for a lot of uncomfortable happenings. I have a few things or more to say about LDR so let me divide it into advantages and disadvantages.
Advantages
- You bond on communication: Trust me this is a beautiful thing. When all you have is communication, you use it well. Unlike short distance when I can front and expect the boyfriend to magically guess what's wrong, I have no way to do that. Man that won't even realize you are angry over facetime or skype lol. Probably only when you keep quiet throughout the convo or rudely drop the call before he figures that you are pissed. Communication is important for any relationship so if you can learn and master the art in a LDR, you should have it good when the LDR period is over.
- You have your space and loads of me time: Ah so important for me. I don't want to be bamboozled with everything at once. In fact there's plenty space, literally. You have more time to focus on you and everything you need to do without thinking of whether you should see bae tomorrow or today.
- When you finally see, the affection gets bigger: They say distance makes the heart grow fonder and I think it's relatively true depending on the individual involved. Some people's affection decrease as time and distance go by.
- You learn how to be patient: I learnt how to be patient and understanding from LDRs o. How will you not be patient? Counting down to when you will see your partner, calming down when fights happen etc
Disadvantages
- You don't really get know the person you are with: Especially if the relationship started on LDR from the beginning. If you are lucky that LDR came into play later in the relationship then there's a small chance this doesn't apply. All you know about the person is what they tell you and what you see via video calls. Once that call drops, it's back to "reality". Years into the relationship you now realize, when LDR is over, that you are with a brand new I-didn't-know-you-were-like-this individual.
- It's expensive: The cost of traveling up and down is high. I'm not talking about lagos to abuja kind of distance. The kind of LDR that spans between two continents is not cheap at all. God help you that one or both of you are students, what's the point? One return ticket can cost at least $1500. How many times will you now see in a year?
- It takes a lot of emotional investment: Aside from the financial investment, there's the emotional part too. Not like short distance relationships don't have emotional investment but see ehn the type that LDR needs, you will have to search the deepest part of your soul for it.
Despite the heavy disadvantages and popular beliefs, long distance works or rather can work!. It just depends on how much work you both put into it and the level of commitment to each other. Quick advice if you are in a LDR or must be in one,
- Make sure y'all see each other at least once a month! I can't even explain that point too much other than it helps eliminate the first disadvantage gradually.
- If you can't afford a LDR, don't attempt it. It will drain you financially and emotionally.
- Have mutual friends. Make sure you know some of your partner's friends (in the same environ) or at least his/her siblings.
- Also, pay attention to the little signs, they are bigger than they seem. If it's not favorable, gerraradia (get out of there)
- Set realistic goals. Goals for when you would see, when the long distance will end (very important except you want it to go on forever) and endeavor to work towards the goals.
Have you ever been in a LDR? How was it like for you? Any additional points?
2 comments
At least once a month? At $1,500 per trip? Epp us Dr Dedun!
ReplyDeletelmaoo. Well, that advice is for any LDR.. but for intercontinental LDR and no money to fund trip, hmmn seeing just twice a year? Once a year? Me I no know again o. Like I always say, one size doesn't fit all. Some people can afford or save towards a trip and some can't afford even once a year trip. But from experience, my point is you can't know your partner well enough if you don't spend enough time physically, outside video calls. At the end of the day, do what works for you and I can only wish you the best. :*
DeleteYou know I'd love to hear from you. Please comment. Mwah