Hol'up just before we delve into the topic, I got a message that I'm supposed to answer on "Ask Dedun". I wasn't sure if I should write it on the blog or just reply in private but then I remembered that there are loads of people out there, reading my blog, that need the answer too. So I prayed and asked for direction for this blog post because it's a sensitive topic I know many of you won't talk about publicly. Lo and behold after my prayer, I read my devotional and it was about God's truth and the fact that Satan celebrates ignorance and sight. As you continue to read this post, I urge you to not be a victim of sight because in 2 Corinthians 5:7, it says "For we walk by faith and not by sight". Let your faith align with mine and read the rest of this post with knowledge and understanding and not by sight alone for in sight, judgement abounds. 

I will also like to mention that the primary purpose of my blog is to glorify God through my experiences in my short years here on earth. I do this only for Him and my readers, especially those that have messaged me to tell me the little good I've done for them through my posts, and I also want that reader to be you. I've been saved by the Word and I'm not ashamed to even write publicly the darkest things I've experienced. When you tell your story, it can't be used against you. It might be hard to believe but I've been through hell and back. God saved me from the fire and I'm eternally grateful.

This reader's question was "Dedun, how does one overcome porn addiction?" Woah woah! When did I become a counsellor? I'm not even aware of how to reply some messages, including this one hence why I wasn't sure if I should answer publicly or privately. People think porn watching is only typical to men but some women watch it too. I mentioned in my Secrets post that I do not keep secrets. It's a channel the devil can use to have stronghold on your life. Please read that post to understand my point better. Let me just put it out there, I was addicted to porn. Or perhaps the 'addicted' is quite heavy in my case. It wasn't an everyday thing. In-fact in a year, I probably watched it 3 times. Yeah it was random but I will still use the addict word because of the progression of watching period.

I think one of the reasons I grew up quick was due to my exposure to real life from a very young age. I wasn't spoiled, I was allowed to go out with 6pm curfew, I could have friends over, I never got the rule of not having a boyfriend, I traveled out a lot and got to know a bit about the western world, I experienced both girls only (with it's wahala) and mixed school, I was very free with people, I lived through the days of mum's vigorous job and brother's absence from the country. I had to fend for myself when she was away and I was alone (I love you mum), with no maid. I'm saying all these so you can understand me better. I've been out there!! Yes, out there!! Back then, porn didn't seem like a big deal, well to me that is. I only watched it to laugh I kid you not and it was very very random. Anyway, moving on, I can't remember exactly when but I suddenly realized that this girl would watch porn for four hours straight and won't even blink. It starts from this is the last and before you know it, hours have passed. Now that was why I used the "addict" word. Mind you, it never got me stimulated. I was just amused. This watching was not constant though, I noticed it was usually when I was sad/hurt.

I would write down in my journal why and what happened and so one random day, I picked up my journal and read the old entries. It became glaring to me that I needed help, that was when I confided in a close friend. Obviously he couldn't help me and I even got worse with how much time I spent watching porn. I had like a 2 year break I think until my now famous hurt I've written about so many times here. By this time, it was no longer for fun. It was now for a release. To temporarily ignore the sad feelings I had. As I was trying to overcome this addiction, the devil kept pulling me back. I had no one, absolutely no one, to talk to about this big problem. I would read my bible but no answer. I googled but I could barely read past the first paragraph/page. I tried to implement their advices but nothing helped!!! I was distraught and that was when my Suicide poem happened. Prior to writing the poem, I had suicidal thoughts, I needed an escape because I knew I was doing something God frowns at greatly. I didn't want to continue to offend God and at the same time I didn't know what else to do to curb this devilish act. I was ashamed of myself.
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To be continued tomorrow because I know you guys don't like reading long posts and this is long already. Also, I know today is for recipes and I will post it during the day but keep in mind Ask Dedun can be posted any time. If you have any question/need help, please use the Support Page