With all the sad events in the world, it just seems like friendships these days are also under fire and that makes me question if the people you call friends are really your friends. On the new Pep Talk With Dedun Series, we are discussing Friendships. I mean everyone can relate with this topic and thankfully it's so broad that it is definitely a good candidate. So who is a friend you ask? In my own terms, I will define a friend as "Someone who shares your values and knows the importance of having another's back." It's as simple as that. Those two qualities serve as the foundation for a good friendship. 

Imagine having a "friend" that disregards you as a person and has no inkling of what your values are, how will that friendship work? A good friend that has your back will also respect you. I don't think someone that disrespects you as a person will watch out for you. But what do I know? These days, people can protect anything as long as they are gaining from it, I'm talking in terms of parasitic friendships.  Friendships, like relationships, are bound to break up and most of the time if you dig deep into the reason, it stems from lack of mutual understanding and respect. I've heard stories like "(S)he stole from me" ('Stole' used vaguely here. It could be "snatching" your friend's partner), "He no sabi talk", "Selfishness dey worry am" "She spread false rumors of me" "He leaked a confidential info' Those are just a few I could mention. 

For me though, I can't say I've experienced any of the fore mentioned reasons but of course I've also lost people I called friends and most times, it was either due to lack of communication or a pressing issue that neither party could wrap their heads around. Actually wait, I think I stopped being friends with someone back in Junior School when she told everyone something false about me but funny enough, we are like best of friends now and that brings me to the point of saying that forgiveness is key, in this friendship journey.  I've stubbornly realized that people will hurt you and you are only hurt when the people are close to you. Most times, we are not hurt by what strangers do to us but by hurt caused by those we trust. Eh I've been hurt so many times I actually lost count and that is because most times when someone hurts me, I say nothing. Saying nothing gives room for more hurt because it's totally possible that the friend doesn't know they are hurting you. 

One golden rule concerning friendships is, "you should choose the people you bring close to you, wisely" This rule applies to any age group and that's the beauty in it. It suggests that anyone, regardless of age, can have wrong friends. I don't know if I found solace in that truth but I accept that I have had friends that didn't understand my values and neither had my back but I still chose to stay friends with them either way. To be honest though, I've also contributed to the demise of supposed good friendships but just like how unpredictable life is, friendships are too. Someone can just wake up one morning and say you want to be the only one in the world. 

So this brings me to the all important question, are we friends? My answer is NO! if:

You don't support my goal in life

You think I have nothing good to say

You don't listen to what I have to say

You are selfish

You gossip about me to your other friends but smile to my face

You are non-chalant about the friendship

You don't care/are not happy about my progress

Everything is fair game to you

You think everything is about you

My faith annoys you 

You are only friends with me for your gain 

You can't defend me in my absence

Still thinking of more reasons to say No! lol epp me abeg 

____

To be continued next week but first I'd like to ask you who a good friend is.  

Love,

Dedun

Slangs

No sabi - Can't

Selfishness dey worry am - (S)he's selfish

Epp - Help

Abeg - Please

Lol - I actually laughed this time :)