Dangers Of Comparison | A Victim's Story
11:58:00 AM
My story or should I say experience on comparison started at a very young age. My mum left the medical field for teaching (Mathematics) in order to keep up with the family my Dad was always traveling and out of the country due to his job as an Engineer. We were basically left with house maids and all, before I digress, just wanted to give you a background of what growing was like for me.
So having such parents, you know they are going to grill you when it comes to Education and to make it worse, mom's job as a maths teacher brought horrors when you don't pass your maths or get the best grade. I remember growing up, we were always compared with other children. I know our parents love us and they always want the best for us but truth be told, I don’t think they know the dangers that comparison does to us even at that young age. It was more of you coming 4th in your class and you have to seat down with my dad and explain why you came forth and what happened in the different subjects which was really exhausting. My amazing mum will say nothing at all only to come to the room at 2am, wake you up with her favorite phrase “The person that came 1st has just 1 head and 1 brain, why are you not using yours to it’s full potential?"
Because of this particular phrase, after every test or exam I lived with the fear of not coming first, sounds weird as others will most probably be like nah, you should be worried about failing. In my case not to brag, through out my primary and secondary education, I was amongst the top 5 but that was not enough for my parents as all they could accept was the 1st position. That lived and grew within me till I got to Medical School. I remember the very first test I took in Uni, I got a 4 (that's like somewhere between 75% - 85%) and I cried my eyes out, I had this worthless feeling like I had let myself down and everyone who looked up to me. I was so ashamed to tell anyone that asked about my grade.I always compared myself to others who did well and even though I got a 4, I still won’t feel like I have done something great, I just tell myself I've failed.
That was how comparison started ruining my life. Some might say ruin is a harsh word but trust me, up till this very moment, a little bit of comparison is still there. In my last Med school year, I had Neurology final as my first exam and I didn’t fail. I actually got a 2, I cried and felt so worthless that I couldn’t concentrate any longer. I was bitter and once again, I started comparing myself to those that got 5 and those that failed. I felt nah, I am better than this person and all that which was really bad because that’s just anger and jealousy steaming out of me comparing my grades to another. It took me 2 weeks to finally go back and retake Neurology (I know some people might think I am crazy but I had to and by God’s grace, I got a 5). Even when I finally became a Dr, I was happy for about 20 mins max (not joking) and then I started comparing how my mates are doing so well in their life and how I am just finishing Med school and what not. I wasn’t just comparing other peoples life in terms of education but also family and it got down to relationships that I had to pray and ask God to really overcome this situation that I was going through.
Earlier this year, I had to pray to God to help me to be genuinely happy for others even things weren’t going sooo well for me. Gradually that helped because by being genuinely happy for them, I always prayed and used them as a point of contact for God to do amazing things for me in my life. In the process, God gave me peace and I got to fully understand that my journey is definitely different from another person’s journey and comparing will definitely do more harm than good. I won’t say the act of me comparing my journey to another is completely gone, it is a gradual process and I am grateful to God that I am definitely not where I used to be and I am trusting His plans for my life .
Just to highlight few dangers that comparison brings into our life:
1) Hate
2) Jealousy
3) Lack of Gratitude
4) Depression
5) You don’t even see how amazing your journey has been and how God has made your life so beautiful and your journey a learning one.
6) Worthless feeling.
I know it is a long read and I probably just juggled things (I'm not a blogger/writer lol) hopefully this helps someone out there.
Trust God and his plans for you!! We all have different destinies and we shouldn’t compare our journey with another! Perhaps you are a parent reading this, don't compare your children with each other or with their friends/classmates. They will never forget and it will harm their psych.
Dr O.
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