Truth Be Told

I could have sworn that I was all for "Team keep your innocence for your husband." Don't get me wrong, I still support the movement but...........

******

I "met" George at a training section that was hosted at my place of work. The moment he walked into the hall, I silently said to myself 'Damn, who's this able-bodied bloke'. Lol I'm not saying it was love at first sight, was just appreciating what was before me. Anyway, I brushed it off and put back on my coat of work ethics. The day went by without talking to the unknown man.

As fate would have it, I got transferred to his branch five months after. I forgot to mention that I worked in a bank as an accountant. I really hated the word "transfer" because it felt like secondary school steeze all over again. My new colleagues were nice to me though. They welcomed me with a mini office party, after office hours.


It was during this party that he walked up to me and said "Hello ma'am, I'm George and you are?" I replied with a sly smile "I'm Trisha. Nice to meet you George". The whole pleasantries went on and after, say an hour, the party was over and everyone had dispersed.

I'll spare you "the woo-ing process" story and go straight to the point. After a year, George and I started dating. For me, it was really nothing serious, at first, because I agreed to date him just so he could stop being too persistent on my case. My initial reason for been reluctant to date him was coz I planned not to have any personal relationship with a colleague. You get me? Anyway, the plan's been ruined.

After Six months of loving what was not, I started seeing the persistent part of George again, this time around, it was for the nookie. I give up/in easily but I decided to be strong this time. So I turned my persistent self on and continuously told him no, with a reason. Trust me I was ready for him to break up with me, like they usually do but surprisingly, he didn't. Instead , he said he'll wait for the right time. For that statement, I found myself falling head over heels with my boyfriend.

We grew closer and the moments with him were the best moments of my life. On our second year anniversary, he proposed. I must confess that I expected it. Reason being that he didn't tell someone who could keep it secret. His friend spilled the beans. ;)


It was that night I decided to give him the cookie. I believed it was due because first of all, I had a ring(which obviously meant he'll be my husband); secondly, the day was so romantic and I didn't want to ruin the ambiance with my virgin talk; and lastly, I felt he had waited enough and was worth having it.


Three weeks later, the result came out positive. Yes I was pregnant!! Did you see that coming? Silly me definitely didn't. Devastation, regret and sadness filled my soul. This was not the way I had planned it. I didn't want a love child. Why did it have to be me? Why did I fall into the 25% of the unlucky ones that get pregnant at first intercourse. I didn't tell him about it until a week later when he stormed into my office demanding for explanation. Apparently a fellow colleague had told him. He was hurt but that wasn't my concern at that moment. After ranting, he gave his verdict and said I must keep the baby. Oh well Mr. Intelligent, I didn't plan to abort it before your verdict so you really didn't make a point.


Before I could say J...ill, the news had spread. I can bet it circulated faster than the engagement news. Little did I realize the gravity of the heart-aching news that was going to come to my hearing few days after. I was attending to a female customer and she made mention of the fact that she knew my fiance. Of-course she started with the "nice pleasantry" of congratulating me on the pregnancy and engagement. I was taken aback by how she knew but I shrugged it off and listened to her juicy gist. Apparently, my supposed fiance had an affair with her and the relationship recently broke up days ago. (Adding 2+2, it was obvious that he broke up the relationship because of pregnant me). God bless my office because that was the only reason why I kept calm and didn't do something crazy that day. I was literally paralyzed from doing any other thing afterwards. The unknown lady also mentioned that they dated for a year and half and quietly told me to "make the choice" before leaving me with my thoughts..

Immediately working hours ended, I rushed to George's office to query him. He didn't deny it. Honestly, I can't remember the reasons he spilled out of his mouth but I definitely can remember that I called off the engagement that very moment. I was engaged to the human definition of a liar, cheater. That was the last time I saw George. I resigned the next day. It was too much to take in. He attempted but failed to get me back because I decided not to look back, not to fall back into the hands of a man who had the capability of cheating on me during our marriage. I was prepared to live with the consequences of the choice I made, giving someone that wasn't my husband,yet, my innocence.

My daughter is two years old now. Looking at her as I write this story, I really wish I didn't deny her the relationship she could have had with her father. But as you know, what's been done, is done. I don't know what's in the future for both of us but one thing I'm sure of, when she's of age, the first thing I'll let her know is how it's not right to make a decision out of the happy moment without pondering on it and asking yourself, "what's the worst that could happen?".

wow it's been errmm 14days since i blogged... LOL
yeah i know it's a short time but for me it's a very long time.
I said i would blog at least once a week so it's sorta strange that I didn't sign into my account for two weeks. Reason being that I allowed someone's opinion of my blog to bring me down. The individual said my blog's boring. It pained me coz the individual's my friend and even though i know he could be a die hard critic at times, i really didn't expect that comment. So i decided to hide under my shell and do away with blogging.I totally forgot about the numerous lovely comments my loyal readers told me. Imagine, one comment against many. Two days ago, I realized that this guy is definitely living his life and would have forgotten he said something of that sort to me but on my side, i'm still nursing the pain and hiding away from doing what I love doing. So that moment i decided i wasn't gonna continue crying over spilled milk and resume back to my favorite companion, blogging. So here I am, blogging again!! woohoo!! LOL. New story coming up in a bit.. i'm thinking I should post it tomorrow so it'ld be, you know, last post for 2011; DEC 31,2011. Meanwhile, if i get bored while studying, I'll just post it.

Thanks to those that genuinely love my blog. God go make you bigger!! LOL i just had to write that.

When the world's shut down
When the world's still
When the world's drowned
When the earth spills
But my heart still beats
Like a functioning drum
And a broken string
From an abandoned violin.

I sit in tears
Like a rock in an overflowing river
I'm waiting for someone to care
Even when I know there's no-one there.
No one willing
To dive into the depth of the mighty ocean
Blue and clear as it may be
I decided to take the leap
I could sense the fear of the unknown
Or should I say known?
From the only invisible companion I know,
My alter ego.

She's telling me to take a leap
Into the depth she's foreseen.
She knew it was dangerous
But yet she gave me assurance
With every ounce of fear,
That she will be there
When I need to call on someone dear.

Then I snapped back.
Remembered that it's just me.
I'm all alone.
Once again.
In a world where it rains pain,
All day
All week, all year
And the cycle goes
Again and Again.

Out of nowhere,
I gained company.
He was so precious I could look at him
All day and not complain.
He bore the same pain.
With no motive of gain,
We shared them.
That moment was when I realized
It was all I needed.

The river's dry
The ocean's shallow.
No more needs to cry
I see my halo,
Shining like the Sun.
The world's alive.
The world's moving.
That, that I say,
Was just a phase!

Dear God,

Sure you are wondering,
Pondering on what it is
I want to write about.
Well, I'm certain
that You are aware
Of my pains and hurt.
Times when tears gush out.
Like water from an angry fountain.
Times when I searched North and South
For someone, just anyone, to listen to me.
All these while, I seemed to scream
At souls and bodies that were deaf to my calling.

Raped at seven.
Introduced to a strange world at eleven.
What more could a less-than-a-teenager
Go through to make that even.
My parents could not hear me and
It seemed the world was shut down around me.
I did not know at that time that
My source of comfort would have been
The bread of Heaven.
I remained a dough without leaven.

Age twelve, I threaded on the path of homosexuality.
It seemed right then because of the environment I was in.
I wasn't aware of how bad it was due to my inability
To get acquainted with You.
This went on for years until i finally met You at twenty.
The experience.
(Silence)
I can't describe it but I can testify
That You turned my in-capabilities and iniquities
To wondrous and great blessings.

That was when I realized that the masculinity
I created for myself in replacement of the femininity
You gave to me,
Was the reason behind my infirmity.
I was weak in You physically,spiritually.
I had made myself feeble, voluntarily.
I let Satan use me, willingly.
He tricked and deceived me into thinking what
I was doing, was right.
But now all that has changed.
Living testimony that God does give people turning points.
The only thing is,
One can decide to accept it or not.

Twenty Eight now.
Living a good life
With God, husband and kids.
All I did was tell a story untold.
A story from an unspoken voice.

Moral of story:
Don't be deceived. Satan can use anyone of any age for his works.
God's the key.

I loved real, real hard once
But the love wasn't returned
Found out the man I'd do anything for
He wasn't even concerned
I tried, and I tried, and I tried
To keep him in my life
I cried, and I cried, and I cried
But I couldn't make it right
But I, I loved the young man
And if you've ever been in love,
Then you'd understand.

What you want might make you cry
What you need might pass you by
If you don't catch it
And what you need ironically,
Will turn out into what you want to be
If you just let it.

See, I thought this feeling
Was all that I had
But how could this be love
And make me feel so bad?
Gave up my power,
I existed for you
But whoever knew the voodoo you'd do?

I chose a road of passion and pain
Sacrificed too much and waited in vain
Gave up my power ceased being queen
Addicted to love like the drug of a friend

Torn and confused
Reached the crossroad which path would I choose
Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated
For something to happen that just wasn't fated
Thought what I wanted was something I needed
When mama said no I just should have heeded
Misled, I bled till the poison was gone
And out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn

Father you saved me and showed me that life
Was much more than being some foolish man's wife
Showed me that love was respect and devotion
Greater than planets, deeper than any oceans
My soul was weary but now it's replenished
Content because that part of my life is finished

I see him sometimes and the look in his eye
Is one of a man who's lost treasures untold
But my heart is gold, I took back my soul
And totally let my creator control
The life which was His to begin with

I used to love him but now I don't.

Out of boredom I decided to write this short post.

I've noticed that most people want to be known as rich and powerful. Everyone wants to show off their best belongings. Back in junior school, I can remember there was this particular girl that extremely loved showing off. Of-course it worked for her because it gave her popularity. She used to say a lot of things about how much her father owned and all those BS. Anyway, i'll spare you the long story and cut it as short as possible.

On a fateful visiting day, her parents came. I was fortunate on that day to see her family and when i mean her family i meant from a distance. My mum's car was parked about 10feet away from theirs so I could see them. First all, I'm not judging but dayum the car her parents brought was in no way compared to what she had bragged about. Trust me, i'm not saying my mother's car was way tusher because as at that time she was driving mazda 929. So don't get me wrong, I'm not comparing.

Anyway, when the visiting hours ended, I decided to ask her why her parents didn't bring their car. Well, she obviously didn't get the sarcasm behind the question and she gave the reply "what do you mean? that's my dad's first car" .. On hearing that, I decided to ask another question. "errm what happened to the jeep you talked about?". She replied "what jeep? no one owns a jeep in my house." Then and there, I knew she was up to no good. Her lies were so outrageous to the point where she forgot she had lied. She had built a façade that couldn't be self-contended with.

Thing is most people don't know that the more you try to go out of your way to be what you are not, the more problems will befall you. If you want to be seen as rich when you are only managing or extremely poor, be ready to lend money or whatever it could be to people who really need the money you don't have.

Cut your cloth according to your size. I'm sure we are familiar with that adage or rather idiom.

This morning I woke up feeling good because I knew I accomplished something yesterday. I studied well and twas great. Woke up quite early but trust now I just could not stand up from that soft bed of mine. Hours passed. Suddenly out of nowhere, I started day dreaming. I'm pretty sure you can guess right about what it was I day-dreamed of. Yurp. A guy.

He's that one person that seems to have brought smiles back to my face, the way they used to be. He's that one person that I definitely would not mind thinking about all day if it'll make me happy.

How we met is something I actually can't remember. I was on transfer to a new law school. Can't remember the first time I saw him but the second time was at the cafeteria. That day was practically hell. I had just finished an exam, stressed out and weary, I headed to the cafeteria for lunch. Oh I was greeted with a very long queue of starved students. I really was not ready to join that queue, so i decided to charm a guy if he'll let me stay in front of him.

I knew a guy would surely say yes so they could look good. So I tried my luck on this tall fellow. I knew I had seen him before but my memory failed me. I sha gave my cheesiest smile and asked if I could be given the chance to get my food before him. So yeah he allowed and that was how we became friends.

Weeks after weeks, the friendship grew. He's the type of guy that would make you laugh no matter what.No dulling moment with him. I liked that. Which girl wouldn't? But there was a little hitch. He always kept to himself. I wanted to know him better because oh well, a crush had developed. So I decided to take matters into my hands and ask people about him, all because i wanted the information he wouldn't give me.

How disappointed I was when I got to know that he had a girlfriend outside school. A very strong relationship that is. Anyway, I was happy for him sha but then that pinch of sadness couldn't help but stay with me for some time. As a strong girl, ahah yeah right, I let it go, the crush i mean and focused on a good friendship instead.

Semesters passed by and everything concerning our friendship went well. By the way I forgot to mention that he was ahead of me in school by 2 years . One day I got a disturbing call from him, he said he wanted to see me. As a concerned friend, I rushed out to his place because that was very rare. On getting there, I saw a shattered friend. It broke my heart. I had never seen him that way before. When i finally succeeded in cooling him down, he told me what was wrong. His girlfriend of 5years had broken up with him. I was speechless, was clueless on what to say. So i just decided that silence was the best therapy and been that it was late already, I decided to sleep over. Cuddled him to sleep and whispered sweet nothings so he wouldn't cry anymore.

Next morning, I made sure I was with him throughout! Attended his classes with him. He was in his final year and I'm sure left to him, he wouldn't have bothered to attend those classes. I knew how he felt and I wanted to be with him because when I got heart broken, no one was there for me and that was extremely lonely.

He got better weeks after and told me he had decided to let it go and focus on school first, no relationships. I accepted it that way and moved on with him too,hoping it was for the best. Little had I known that the crush I thought had died, just resurrected!


Part 2 soon...............thanks for reading. please share.

First of all, i'm not writing this to preach or anything of that sort but to pass a very strong message across to whoever might benefit from this.

The issue of smoking (either cigarettes or marijuana) has been on my mind for some weeks now. I've been doing a minor research on it and props to Google for helping out.

Last week, I had a conversation with a friend about sins not directly listed in the Bible, that some Christians are aware of and for those that aren't, should be aware of. Making a list of them all, smoking came up. I'm that sort of person that finds argument somewhat energy and time consuming and once i see a conversation heading in that direction, I back out but for some reasons unknown, I did not back out on the smoking argument and that led me to write this "short article".

Without looking at Biblical passages, someone who is not ignorant should be aware of the dangers of tobacco and nicotine(it's a poisonous substance in pure state) and the many long term diseases they cause in this day and age but the problem now is, many folks choose to be ignorant. They turn deaf and dumb to obvious things. They always want to live in the moment, the short term relief it gives them. Oh how soothing. Sad.

Most victims these days are the youths, and sadly teenagers. Little boys and girls that don't even know how to change diapers but somehow know how to smoke cigarettes and the likes. Satan has deceived them into thinking all those cruel lung diseases won't happen to them. Tobacco is very addictive and this little habit finally becomes so enslaving, it turns into a big monster and is very difficult to flee from without Christ because it eventually became a demon ruining their lives.

The Bible says "there's pleasure in sin for a season but in the end, we shall reap the result of that sin". The irony of it all is that companies producing them give warnings. I found this one (picture below) fascinating. Ignore the fact that I'm a medical student. If i didn't have any knowledge of what "clogging" is and I read "smoking causes heart attack and strokes", before I bother to check Google for the definition of "clog" , I'll flee from it. Why? Because I value my life and I won't endanger it mehn. I'll choose a good husband, wonderful marriage and beautiful kids (in short long life) over "Smoking kills". Anytime, anyday but still it baffles me how individuals ignore those warnings.

The Bible teaches us, as Christians that we are to be clean and holy, in spirit, soul and BODY! Yes, your physical body. It is the ultimate Temple of God and you are accountable to God for the condition of that body. If you choose to ruin God's temple by burning it down with a "paper roll containing nicotine and flame" , you'll be held accountable for the grave crime.

Someone can ask "so why did God make tobacco if it is harmful to humans?" . If a non-Christian asked me that, I'll forgive he/she for his/her Biblical perplexity. It is never God to be blamed for evil because tobacco has it's uses too. It can be used to kill fungi and insects. Satan always perverts the things in this world for evil use, while God has plans for them to bless mankind. If man would just spend time and research for the good use of tobacco, I believe he would discover some of it's healing properties.

For someone practising Christianity as a way of life, there should be no place for this evil habit in the individual's life. If you are reading this and you're in this trap, there is a way out if you sincerely want to be free. Tell God about your desire, open the door of your heart heavenward and the holy spirit will bring you both strength and victory.

IT WAS SHORT YEAH? THANKS FOR SPENDING SOME MINUTES TO READ. hope it blessed someone. back to my books.


Ref: Overcoming Life Digest