Truth Be Told

If you know me, it shouldn't be news that I know how to pamper myself. Yes, pampering yourself is a big part of loving yourself abi will you pamper someone you don't love? I don't think so. My Ig page has "Choose your happiness first" as it's caption. This just means that with all the turns and turbulence of life, your happiness should be priority. Nothing good can come out of an unhappy soul believe me. Choosing your happiness first doesn't mean you are selfish and won't consider others but in this life's journey you can't afford to be miserable because you don't want to be selfish or because you don't want to offend people. My guy, love yasef and be happy. Anyway, this list is random and just writing as the blogging spirit leads. Yaass!

• Have a good mindset. Your mind is in control of this life game fam. If it's messy up there, it will be messy both in and out. Your mindset should be top notch on life, school (no you are not dumb, you is smart you is wise), relationships with people, finances (if all you think about is how broke you are, you will remain broke until you use that mind space to look for how to get money)

• Live freely with everyone. Don't be that judgmental judy everyone runs away from. Accommodate people that also know what self loving is. you will learn from them. 

• Get to know yourself.  I don't know why people are more eager to get to know other people but barely know themselves. If you don't know yourself, how will you know who you can complement? I don't know why this analysis came to my head but imagine a universal socket that any plug can connect to. The plug will always get used why? Because no identity. Same as humans, if you don't know the limit to the rubbish you can take from people, you will just be a dumping ground. Smelly smelly

• Do fun things alone. Yes a friend's company is good but have your alone time. Travel, go to a restaurant with a book or gadget etc. You'd be surprised to see your fun 'things to do alone' list grow. (hmm maybe I should create a list for myself). Let me tell you about the time I spontaneously went to Slovakia for 4 days. Got to my hotel room, went to the bath tub, turned on the water, lit some candles, put a series on the tab, got the wine and chocolate that came with the room and just soaked away. I posted a photo on bbm I think and till today some friends don't believe I was in Slovakia alone. Lol Hi friends! :) That was just day one. You can imagine the fun things I did for the rest of the trip. For me though, relaxing is one of the fun things I like to do. Gives one time to think.  

• Find hidden talents and if you can't find them after searching highs and lows, create one. I appreciated myself more when I started baking. I was surprised at how quick I could learn something that was so foreign to me. Believe it or not I was falling for myself o. LOL I'm telling you. Like how can I be good at something just like that without prior knowledge thanks to google. Wait na lemme wash myself small. You see how these things link? If I didn't have my alone time, I wouldn't have thought of how to learn something new and exciting. 

• When you are down, pamper yourself. I usually just go for a massage or manipedi. They help to calm the soul and if there's no money for that, buy some cheap wine, put some slow sleep inducing music on and meditate. Try to take your mind off what ever is troubling you and focus on what again? Yes, your happiness. Clap for yourself.  Oh and by the way, you don't have to be gloomy to pamper yourself. You can be spontaneous with that too. As per, let me surprise me. Lol it's like having 2 people in one. You are your best friend. Love it! 

• At the end of it all, nobody can love you more than you love yourself (Well, except your parents). People will love you based on how much you love yourself and how you reflect to them. You can only reflect what is inside. Let it be lovely. Lastly, when you love yourself, no rumor or gossip can bring you down because you know you. 

Thanks to everyone that has filled the survey so far. God bless. One of the suggestions was to have an easy interface for people to contact me. To take it up a notch, I decided I can't do it alone and I'm building my support team. Currently I have 

A Life coach, 
A Prayer & Fasting Friend, 
A Marriage & Relationship advisor and 
An Education & Career coach

These people have volunteered their time to encourage and support people that reach out. Remember that you are not an island and if you stretch your hands, we will reach out to you. Perhaps you just want someone to share an issue with someone, we will listen to you. Don't hesitate to contact us. You can bookmark the link. Looking forward to hearing from you and of course you can be anonymous, we don't need to know you to help you. Whatever info you share with us is 100% confidential.

You can click on the Support Page and fill the form.

If you'd like to join the team, please contact me too. Thank you.

We can only make the world better by helping others.

Hey guys please can you spare 2 minutes of your time to fill this survey for me? Thank you. It's also on the side bar of the blog.



https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/HHZ2MFT

Wait o I am not telling you to break up with your partner because of this list ehn ehn before you say Dedun wants to break relationships. To be honest, this list is for me sef. If you want to borrow it, feel free lol. At the end of the day, if it is not right, it really isn't but you can't say it never will be right. Both of you have to be committed to make it right. This post will mark the end of the "Relationship" series. I don try.

• Both of you know and accept that God comes first in the relationship. I don't know how else to explain this but if God comes first, there are loads of things that won't happen and even when you fight, the God factor will soften your hearts to forgive each other. When the relationship becomes challenging, God can help you carry the load and ease your pain. (Psalm 127:1) 

• You both are working towards an end goal, Marriage. See ehn having a goal doesn't necessarily mean by force by fire it must happen. Goals just help to keep you focused and not distracted. There are many good relationships that don't end up in marriage because of many reasons. On the flip side, because the bobo keeps mentioning marriage doesn't mean that's his intention. Ladies, be at alert, guard your hearts and don't be in a rush to enter that relationship at the first sound of marriage.  

• Mutual respect is evident. Respect is not only by "(S)he doesn't insult me bla bla" but when you don't know each other's plans and all, that's disrespect o. (I mean how can I be your girlfriend but your plans in life are alien to me? That shows you disregard my opinion about your plans)

• You know communication is very important and practice it. Aside from long distance relationships, which I'm a secretary of, relationships in general survive on communication. No! I'm not saying the "have you eaten today or what did you eat today" kind of boring conversations. I'm talking about checking up on each other's welfare, knowing when "I'm fine" is really "help me!", talk about everything there is to talk about. Share your anger, share your joy. Let them know when they've pissed you off. Talk about it.

• You both know the importance of submission by prayer and fasting. Pray for the relationship. If you can't pray together, there's fire on the mountain. If it's gun  you have to point to his/her head (or perhaps bribe with food) before he/she prays with/for you, wahala dey o. You both need to cultivate the habit of praying and fasting. Marriage is not beans and because it is a spiritual bond, you both will fight spiritual battles and how will you conquer if your prayer life is non existent or lukewarm?

• You are both accountable to a mentor. Most people don't like being accountable to someone that is experienced in the field they are interested in eg Marriage but they want to go for marriage counseling before "I do". Issokay. Don't let your marriage counseling start a couple of months to your wedding day. Start waaaay before the ring. You'd be amazed how strong the relationship you build will be. 

• You understand each other. You will achieve this through communication. I think we can insert the 5 love languages here. (Quality Time, Gifts, Selfless Service, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation) The physical touch is at your own risk o, God is watching you in 5D. 

• Who butterflies don epp? You both know the giggly feelings you have for each other won't sustain the relationship. Don't play yourself. 

• You have each other's back. Help always!! There's no time to take the back seat when your partner needs your help. Strive to be the best you can be for each other. Be the shoulder he/she cries on. Go all out for each other. It's all part of the sacrifices in a relationship and yes this does not guarantee that you will end up together. If you don't, there are no regrets. You know you gave your best. 

• Both of you know the importance of investing in the relationship. This point just sums up everything I've written. 

Just a couple of advice from me to you. In my note, I wrote this important advice I came across by a writer, Brian Warnes. He said "It is not sufficient to choose a partner who just says they are a Christian because they may/will prove to be otherwise and also if they are converted but not committed to the Lord, they will always be looking back to the worldly things. Finally, can two walk together except they agree? Amos 3:3."

Remember people, Singleness is not a disease. Immerse yourself deeply in the anointing of the Holy Spirit, get to know yourself. When you do this, you'd be able to discern between the good and bad partner choice.

Love,
Dedun

• Get a driving license before you leave the country, enroll in a driving school while you are still a student. Saves you stress later. 

• Get your tax number. You can do this before grad (For Hungary. Confirm with your university if it's not in Hungary)

• Learn a language while you are still a student. (Especially if you don't plan to return to your home country but if you are like me that does not like learning languages, your chances will be slimmer because an english speaking country will be your focus for job search)

• If Masters or Phd is your next goal, start researching and apply early. Internet is always there to help. For Medical Doctors, you can start a Phd immediately. You don't need another masters because your MD degree covers that. 

• It's advisable to start prepping for USMLE from 4th year of med school. You can use the whole year to prep then write the exam just before 5th year resumes.

• For Ireland, you can't do much until you have your certificate. Long waiting time and costs a handful of money. So while you wait for a job offer, you can build your CV by volunteering at hospitals or start a Masters if you can afford one or do something productive e.g learn a language. 

• For Malta, there's written exam and oral interview. You have to travel to Malta for both. I don't have much info on it but will post when I do. The job lasts for two years (house job) and you basically have to leave when you are done with the house job :( .Update: The info for Malta is here

• For Canada, It's a tough one if you are not Canadian. I heard their board exam is not beans too. 

• For Nigeria, hmm I won't advice anyone to go back home now o except your husband/wife/kids are there waiting for you or perhaps you just want to go back 100% regardless of the hardship waiting there. You can't spend all those $ abroad only to go back to suffer-head life like you never left it. At least earn the total money your sponsors paid for tuition plus accommodation in fact add up-keep too. Add everything together, when you have 70% of that in your savings, you can safely move back home. The good part is that, by the time you have that 70% in your savings, I don't think you will start from the bottom when you go home. I mean you should be done with residency by that time.  LOL see how this naija own long sha but guys it's the truth o.

• For USMLE. Afoma, a medical student and blogger, took her time to write two detailed blog posts about USMLE. It's a long read so I will just post a preview below and you can read the rest on her blog. 

Someone asked me if everything was okay with me. I asked why and she said because I just suddenly focused on blogging and I've been writing about God a lot. The only response I could give her was "God happened". The question just reaffirmed my thoughts that I was away for too long. This post is titled Journey BACK to God and I want to tell you why the 'back' is there. I've believed in God all my life so that wasn't a problem. To be honest, I can't remember when I officially dedicated my life to Christ for the first time but it was a long time ago in my teenage years. I even got baptized. I want to believe my faith and walk with God was strong some years ago until an incident happened to me. It goes without saying that my perception of strong was not enough to pull me back to God and know that it was the devil at work. The incident coupled with the fact that my "I'm-strong-on-the-outside" look deceived friends that could help that I was fine. I fell into a dark place. It was a serious one o, I can't even describe it. Even my poems then were dark (e.g Suicide) It was during this period I abandoned God. I didn't read my devotional, I didn't pray first thing in the morning, barely went to church which even made me to leave the group I was in, I started new habits (nothing outrageous though lol). Anyway, I don't regret this dark period because aside from the great people I met, it made me find my way back. On the other hand, life was progressing well and that's the danger of been in a dark phase. It's like a grey zone, you don't realize how far you've gone away from the light because you can still see.

At the beginning of this year, like some people, I also planned to take my devotional seriously. Like I said, I was in a grey zone so I still knew the importance of having God close. Before I could say j..ack, January was over and I was only day 4 into the devotional. I'm not ashamed to say this because I'm sure I'm not the only one that went through or is going through this. As God would have it, as a necessity, I had to fast and pray for someone close to me. This went on for weeks and when God answered the prayers, it was back to the grey zone me. But you know the awesome thing about doing good, you sow a seed for yourself. I had sown the seed of fasting and praying without even knowing it. Months later, this seed was calling me to wet it so it can grow but I was too stubborn to listen. I still went on with my daily routine without God.

How I got back on my feet? I had a dream months back and dismissed it with a little prayer, nothing serious. In May, I had the exact dream again. At this point, I was scared because I've never had the same dream twice so the first thing I did was to message a mentor of mine about the dream. Funny enough, he was quite busy and I was supposed to remind him again but I also just let it go with another prayer. Days to my birthday, (I'm forever a birthday person, I like to plan and all that but this year was different) I was sad, my heart was heavy and I just wanted the day to come and go. The day eventually passed and after something happened, I decided to help myself by running, in fact I ran faster than a lightning bolt, back to God. I don't know if these next info is TMI but if its just one person it helps, God sees. I sacrificed a lot to find my way back, I went off social media for 2 weeks but nobody understood why. In those two weeks, I fasted for myself and everyone that I could fast for. I didn't do it alone, a friend joined me and this is why good friends are important, to encourage and push you towards a common goal. I was determined to get back to God, to get my life back from evil strongholds, to get my purpose in sight, to leave the grey zone and go towards the heavenly light.

It's been a month and some days since I got my life back and I've never been happier. I eventually understood the dream and what it meant was that a new me would be born but it will be painful in terms of the sacrifice I had to make. For my friend and I, we've experienced miracles undeserved. Please tell me how I will not tell people about God. So to the people that have asked the same question, I am not selfish and that is the reason why I talk about God a lot now because I want people to also experience His glory. You won't regret it. And to my people struggling to get back on their feet, know that the devil can knock you down 99 times but that one time you stand up, the devil is right below your feet and you will never fall again if God is your anchor. One thing to remember is that you will have to sacrifice a lot to God if you want Him to help you. He already sacrificed His son, it's your turn. I started this post not knowing what and how I will write but I've written a lot and would stop here so it won't be a long read.

Perhaps you are looking for someone to fast with and encourage you or if you want me to share the notes I made during my long fast, please don't hesitate to message me. I'm available to help you, I will also write another post on what to do/how to progress after you've gotten your life back on track with God. Thanks for reading. Please share, it could help someone. Please read 2 Peters 1: 3-10