I never thought that day would come. The day I lost the girl I used to be. That little girl who was all so innocent and naive but smart; the little girl that would bravely tell me to be strong when I'm weak; the girl that would give me the courage to face my fears.

  She was my best company. Always there, at the receiving end, when I rant for hours unending. Through the times of constant nagging and screaming, she was there to revive my soul back to it's serenity. I've chased her out of my life a number of times but she was too stubborn to leave. She made sure she gave me every reason why I needed her. Those reasons always made me change my mind anytime I deemed it necessary that it was her time to leave. I still can't give an account to why she finally left but I'm sure if I think it through, I could have been the one that single-handedly chased her, again. The only difference is, this time she actually conformed.




  Now that I need her, she's no where to be found. I need to ask for her opinion on some happenings in my life. I need to ask what to do with my so-called boyfriend that doesn't respect me. The same guy she gave me a go-ahead to date. The very same one I had my doubts about but she managed to convince me to clear those doubts and go into the relationship with him. Now that I've fallen in love with this guy, it's harder for me to leave him. You know I didn't want this at first but somehow I realized that it chose me. How do I break free? I definitely know I can't stay with someone that claims to love me but doesn't respect me. How does that flipping work? I thought they said "With respect comes love?" Where does that place this situation I'm in?

  Where are you to give me the answers to my questions that seem rhetorical? I need you to tell me what to do with the friend that's nothing but a foe. The friend I trusted with my life. Yeah I've been told countless times not to trust beings but I've known this girl all my life. She failed me woefully. She thought it best to stab me in the back when I told her to zip my dress up for me. Now I'm wounded, deeply and the wounds won't heal. Hospitalized, yet no improvement. How do I forgive this fellow? Even when I do find that place to forgive, how do I look at her without remembering the pains she put me through? Oh the agony.

  I'm still not done. How do I get the courage, without you, to accept that everything will be alright very soon. Remember the lecturer I told you about? He failed me eventually because of the obvious. Now I have to repeat my final year. Please tell me, just tell me, how to believe again, how to have faith again, in life. How to hope for a bright future regardless of my present circumstances. Right now, I'm nothing but miserable and faithless. The part where I have to call my parents and let them know about the present situation, is still pending. I really don't want to imagine the gravity and extent to which they'll be so disappointed in the daughter they hoped would graduate as a lawyer this year. The child they've been proud of from Day 1.

  I hope you are reading this because this was the only way I could think of to get your attention. I remember the days when reading stories, most especially those written by me, was the only interesting activity for you. I hope it still is. I miss you  greatly. Please just come back to me and make my whole life again. I need you to set me on the right path, again. Till you come back, I'll keep on missing you and wishing you were here.